


Reconstruction

by tobedecided



Series: Postbellum [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 21:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6770464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobedecided/pseuds/tobedecided
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Civil War, Tony copes with the fallout the only way he knows how; he rebuilds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [UPDATE: 5/26/18]
> 
> SORRY I LEFT THIS UNFINISHED. If anyone is still reading this, please ignore all the author's notes within the chapters saying something like "whoops, my bad I'll have this finished next month" because no, I didn't finish it (YET).
> 
> I'm just getting back into writing after like two years away and I desperately need to clean up this fic before I finish the last chapter. I will do my best to finish it this year!

"Incoming call from Pepper Potts." FRIDAY's voiced echoed throughout the workshop.

Tony froze. He hadn't spoken to Pepper since before the accident in Lagos. He wondered how much she knew. Quickly, Tony put down the soldering wand he was currently using and turned it off.

"Put it through." He held his breath, not trusting himself to be the first one to speak.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, I'm here." Tony wouldn't admit how comforting it felt to hear her voice.

"How's Rhodey?" she asked softly.

"He's..." Tony felt his eyes being to burn with newly formed tears. "He's alive. Doctors say he'll never walk again." _Not if I can help it._

"Do you—either of you—need me to fly out? I consider Rhodey a friend, too."

Tony paused. He would love nothing more than that. What they had before.

"No," he said finally.

"No? Alright, then." Pepper's voice didn't waver. Tony wondered if she was masking disappointment or relief.

"How are the stocks?" he quickly changed the subject.

"You never ask about the company," Pepper said bluntly.

"There's a first time for everything."

"I'll have someone send over the newest draft of the second quarter report for you to look over."

Tony closed his eyes. His tactic to keep Pepper on the phone failed. _No shit. I just told her not to come. You can't have it both ways, Stark._

"Okay, thanks."

"No problem."

The line remained silent. Tony could hear Pepper's soft breaths over the call. He learned very recently to treasure the moments they shared where neither of them were yelling.

"I should get going," Pepper said, breaking the silence. "I have a conference call I need to prep for."

"Of course. Have fun."

"Let me know what you think of the drafts. If you have time to read them," she added.

Tony frowned. "No need to be condescending, Ms. Potts."

"I wasn't trying to be," Pepper said sternly. "I figured you would be busy helping Rhodey."

"I—fuck. Sorry I snapped at you," Tony apologized. That was usually how their conversations ended nowadays.

"Look for the reports in your inbox tomorrow," Pepper said, not acknowledging Tony's comment. "Tell Rhodey I'm thinking of him."

"I will," Tony said.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

"Call ended," FRIDAY announced.

Tony glanced at the small liquor cabinet in the corner of the room. He hadn't had a drink in a couple of hours.

"Boss, just a reminder you need to pick up Colonel Rhodes from physiotherapy in half an hour," FRIDAY interrupted his thoughts.

"Right. Later, then," Tony said to himself. He cleared his throat. "FRIDAY, save current windows under Stark Support Mark 3."

"All done, Boss."

Tony hopped out of his seat and grabbed his keys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is quite short. I plan on making future chapters longer than this. Let me know if you have any ideas for things you want me to touch on. I just made a new tumblr [here](https://resilient-stark.tumblr.com/) if you want to send me an ask.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony found himself back in the workshop a few days later. The workshop at the Avengers compound was nothing like what he had back in Malibu. Dummy and U were absent, for starters. They were both at the Tower keeping each other company (and hopefully not destroying the penthouse). Most of the tools sat barely touched, with some still in their original packaging.

Tony slowly walked by one of the stations and flipped on the overhead light. Looking at the tools, he deduced that this must have been where Sam fixed his wings. Over the past year, Sam had learned everything he needed to know about how his wings operated. He was usually able to do basic repairs, but for the major issues, he sent them out for Tony to fix. Tony remembered when Sam came to him with his idea for Redwing; how he was so willing to help Steve’s friend with a new project.

Tony thought about the shocked look on Sam’s face before he blasted him on his ass at the airport.

_My, how things have changed._

Tony reached to turn off the lights.

“Sir?”

Tony jumped in his seat. Turning around, he saw Vision standing near the elevator. He didn’t even hear it the doors open. _He must’ve just floated down through the floor,_ Tony thought.

“I thought I said you don’t need to call me that.” Tony stood up and walked to the table in the center of the workshop.

“Perhaps it’s a force of habit.”

 _A habit you_ really _need to break because you are_ not _JARVIS_. Tony bit his lip

“So, where have you been? What do androids do when they’ve been put on probation?” Tony asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“I had an important arrangement to take care of.”

“Did that arrangement include accompanying Black Widow in a helicarrier to the Raft? Did it also include disabling all communications and surveillance?”

Vision turned his head away. “I do not wish to lie to you.”

Tony cursed. “Do you have any idea the shitstorm this is going to cause us? What if Ross figures out Romanoff had help, hm? As if enough fingers weren’t already being pointed at us.”

“You won’t be blamed. If I remember correctly, you were still in the hospital recovering from bruised ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a concussion.”

“Like that will be reason enough to prevent them from putting all of us on lockdown,” Tony spit out.

“Did you not want us to save our friends from captivity?” Vision’s eyes grew dark as he crossed his arms defensively. His gestures were overwhelmingly human.

“What the--how can you even ask me that?! Of course I did!” Tony felt his anger rising. He would’ve loved more than anything to break into the Raft, kick some ass and rescue every last one of them. None of them deserved being locked up in a prison. But he couldn’t. Even if he hadn’t had his injuries, the Accords would’ve prevented him from assisting with the breakout. Tony can’t phase through walls and distort his mass to avoid detection; everyone would know he helped.

“Then you should not question what I may or may not have done,” Vision said rather calmly. “If you wish, I will tell you what happened.

“No,” Tony said without hesitation. “We both know that the less I know, the better. Don’t tell me where they went or what they’re doing.”

“Unfortunately, I agree.”

“Just tell me one thing,” Tony asked softly. “Did everyone get out okay? Was anyone hurt?”

“I can report that there were no physical injuries sustained in the breakout.”

_No physical injuries. How telling._

Tony rubbed his temples. “I need a drink,” he said finally. “I’d offer you one but…you know.” he waved a hand.

Vision nodded. “I’ll leave you to your vices,” he said before phasing through the ceiling.

***

“Boss, incoming call from Secretary Ross,” FRIDAY announced.

“Fuck me,” Tony cursed.

He was in the kitchen making lunch for himself and Rhodey. The latter was finishing up physio in the gym with his overly attractive physical therapist. Rhodey had said a few days earlier he had opted for at-home visits instead of driving out for sessions. Tony had objected, knowing that Rhodey was trying not to be a burden. But Rhodey quickly assured him that that wasn’t the case. Eventually Tony caved in, not wanting to argue with his friend. Surprisingly, Nicole, the physical therapist, was more than thrilled to work with Rhodey and his new Stark prosthesis.

“Boss?” FRIDAY pressed.

“Yeah yeah, put him on.”

“Stark!" Ross said loudly. "How unlike you to answer my calls.”

Tony gave Ross the finger, despite this being a phone call. “Are you insinuating I’m avoiding your calls, Mr. Secretary?”

“Let’s cut the crap. We’re long overdue for a talk, face-to-face.”

“Ah, let’s see. I’m a bit busy these days. You know, I’ve been thinking of starting a new hobby. Or maybe I’ll start a book club,” Tony said sarcastically. He opened the refrigerator to retrieve some juice for their lunches.

“I thought you might say that,” Ross said mischievously.

“Boss,” FRIDAY interrupted. “Three government SUVs are currently inbound. ETA two minutes.”

“See you soon, Stark.” Ross disconnected.

“Great. Just great.” Tony slammed the juice bottle down on the counter. “FRIDAY, where is Vision?”

“He is currently off campus.”

“Let’s keep it that way, okay?”

“I’ll make sure he gets your message,” FRIDAY paused. “Secretary Ross and his security have arrived, Boss.”

Tony unwillingly made his way to the main entrance way and opened the door to greet Ross.

“Stark, nice to see you. I see you’re out of the sling now," Ross noted.

Tony patted his arm. “Good as new.”

“Fantastic.” Ross’ smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Now, let’s talk, shall we?”

“Step into my office.” Tony gestured to the kitchen.

“You all can wait by the door,” Ross instructed his security team.

“So, what brings you here? To my compound? Unannounced?” Tony asked.

“Your written statements on the events that have happened these past few weeks have been much appreciated by the UN,” Ross began.

“And they say I hate paperwork,” Tony smirked. “I’m glad to be of service, Mr. Secretary.” He took a sip of juice from his cup, looking at Ross as he did.

“However,” Ross’ voice cut through Tony’s bullshit, “your information regarding this...Spiderman individual is severely lacking.”

“I believe I provided more than enough information in my report,” Tony said sternly. He knew that he could only do this dance for so long. Tony had left out as many details as he could about Spiderman, including his identity.

“The problem is," Ross continued, "Spiderman, as he calls himself, did not sign the Accords. Yet he was a key participant in the destruction of the airstrip in Berlin. Don’t you find it curious that a small time New York hero wound up fighting in Europe?”

“I’ll repeat what I said in my report.” Tony crossed his arms. “Spiderman volunteered to help detain Barnes, Rogers, and Wilson. And I needed all the help I could get. He never revealed his identity to me.”

“Do you happen to know why there were no FAA or TSA reports signaling his departure and subsequent arrival back into the United States?” Ross questioned, his voice rising with the decline of his patience.

“Well, that is odd.” Tony tilted his head and nodded. “I don’t suppose he hitchhiked across the Atlantic?”

Out of nowhere, Ross slapped a newspaper on the counter. It was the most recent printing of _The Daily Bugle._ A picture of Spiderman in his new suit graced the front page.

Ross opened his mouth to say something, but then paused to reconsider his words. “You know full well the consequences if you are found in contempt of an ongoing investigation.”

Tony remained silent.

Then, the elevator to their left dinged, opening to reveal Rhodey and Nicole returning from the gym.

Rhodey’s face filled with concern. “Tony?”

“Colonel Rhodes.” Ross smiled at Rhodey as the latter wheeled himself into the kitchen. “I hope you are doing well.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Rhodey said to Ross, yet his he kept his eyes fixed on Tony.

“Stark and I were just finishing up some business.”

Tony looked up. “Actually, the Secretary was just on his way out.”

Ross’ smile fell. “Of course. I’ll see myself out.” He began to exit the kitchen, but paused and turned around to face Tony. “You might want to fix that gaping hole in your floor, Stark." Ross pointed to the damage done by Wanda and Vision. "Wouldn’t want the foundation to crumble.” With that said, he returned to his security team and left.

“Uh...does the Secretary of State visit often?” Nicole asked as she walked to join Rhodey and Tony in the kitchen.

“No, he doesn’t,” Rhodey said calmly.

Nicole laughed nervously. “Well, I should be going.”

“No, stay,” Tony cut in. “Here, I made lunch.” He slid the two plates over to Rhodey and Nicole.

“Tones,” Rhodey started. He had known Tony long enough to see through the man's facade.

“No, no it’s fine. I ate while you were down in the gym. I’ll catch you two later, I’ll be in the workshop.” Tony made his way to the elevator. “Ask FRIDAY if you need anything.” He entered the elevator and hit the button for the workshop. After arriving at the floor, Tony retreated to the liquor cabinet and selected a bottle that was almost half-empty. He grabbed a dirty glass from another desk and carried it with him to his drafting table.

“FRIDAY, divert all calls to voicemail. No interruptions,” Tony called out as he poured himself a drink.

“Of course, Boss.”

“Open up files for Mark 56.”

 _Time to get to work,_ Tony thought to himself as he emptied his glass, only to refill it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos! I've managed to map out a few more chapters based on some feedback. Again, feel free to leave me some requests in the comments or over at [my tumblr](https://resilient-stark.tumblr.com/). If I can't make it happen in this fic, I'll do my best to include it in another!


	3. Chapter 3

It was too damn bright out, Tony thought.

His current pair of sunglasses were dark enough to mask his dark circles, but failed at completely blocking out the sun’s harsh rays. It was the middle of August and the summer heat gave no intention of letting up. Tony was dressed in his usual Tom Ford suit; the only suit he seemed to be wearing these days. As he parked the car and stepped out, he immediately regretted his choice in attire. He used one hand to wipe away the sweat already lining his hairline and the other to unbutton his jacket, discarding it in the backseat of the car.

Slowly he navigated his way through the cemetery. After 25 years, the path had become almost second nature, despite only visiting once every December. This time was different, however. The tombstones weren’t lined with soft snow. Instead, recently cut grass overwhelmed his sense of smell.

Before he reached their graves, he stopped. _I forgot to bring flowers. How the fuck did I forget flowers?_ He had driven hours from upstate to Long Island, probably passing dozens of flower stores. Tony clenched his hands into fists. It was too late to get any. He had to be at the UN in a few hours and the drive back to the city would take nearly that half that time. With his schedule already determined for him, Tony continued on.

Upon reaching his parent’s tombstones, Tony froze again. Someone had laid a bouquet of fresh flowers against the stones. He looked around, confused. There were no groundskeepers around to ask. Tony didn’t remember making any flower arrangements for their graves. He wondered if it was Rhodey, or perhaps Pepper’s doing. He could call both of them to find out, but he didn't trust himself enough to not break down over the phone.

He sat down in front of both of them, his legs crossed.

Today would’ve been her birthday.

“Hi,” Tony’s voice cracked. He coughed once. Trying again he started, “I know I don’t usually come this time of year, but I was in town and…” _God, what the hell am I saying?_ He sat there quietly for a few minutes, listening to the birds chirping in the distance.

“I had no idea,” he began. “I was so fucking blind. It makes so much sense now, with SHIELD gone. Of course they saw you as a threat.” Tony looked at his father’s grave. “Right after the...accident, I blamed you. You were a drunk and everyone knew it. I thought you got behind the wheel after drinking and that it was your fault. Obie showed me the tox report, which proved your innocence. For the longest time I had always assumed he forged the report to comfort me and the PR team.

“After Afghanistan, I thought about it again. Maybe Obie was behind it. Afterall, he liked dealing in the shadows. But I couldn’t find any evidence to prove he played any part. Now I wonder if he just benefited from the aftermath of some else’s plans.”

Tony paused to take off his sunglasses. They had become foggy with his tears. He blinked a few times for his eyes to adjust to the brightness.

“Neither of you deserved this,” he said finally. “Rogers left behind the shield, by the way. If Coulson were still alive, hell, I’d probably just let him have it. But no, he’s gone too.

“You used to say ‘ _Stark men are made of iron_.’ Yet I keep asking myself if any of this was worth it. Rhodey doesn’t regret his decision and he’s fucking paralyzed because of what I started! What does that make me, huh?” _Weak. A coward_ , Tony thought to himself.

His speech was interrupted by an alert on his phone. With a sigh, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. _Damn_. There was an accident on I-495 causing traffic to back up. He needed to head back to the city now in order to make it to the meeting. Slowly, stretching out his legs, Tony stood up.

“I’m sorry, I have to go. Happy birthday, mom,” he whispered sadly. Tony turned around and put his sunglasses back on.

He looked around, surprised, yet grateful, to see no one else was in this section of the cemetery. Off in the distance, a few rows over from his car, Tony spotted a black SUV. He carefully turned around, pretending not to have noticed it. His first thought was paparazzi, but the tinted windows screamed government car. Of course they’d have him under surveillance. _But at my parent’s goddamn graves? Jesus._ He thought about simply waving to the car, but decided to portray his ignorance instead. He didn’t have time for this bullshit.

Tony took the keys out of his pocket and headed back to his car. He was going to be late.

***

The meeting at the UN was rather uneventful. The council they created after the Accords had delegates representing countries from various continents. Despite this mission of unity, each decision they reached furthered someone’s political agenda. Tony tried not to care too much. This was their new reality.

Tony, acting as a representative for the Avengers, was briefed on a few reports that might possibly result in the Council into voting to deploy the team; or what was left of the team. But for now, they were simply monitoring events. Tony felt rather useless during the whole event. Only a couple of delegates called on him before closing remarks. He spent most of the meeting reading over the draft Pepper had sent him. Under the table, Tony used his phone to text her a few corrections. She replied promptly, informing him that _that_ draft was two weeks old, and that the final copy had already been sent to the shareholders.

After the meeting, Tony looked around for T’Challa. He never really had the chance to thank the man for hauling his sorry ass out of Siberia. But there was no sign of him. Instead, he spotted Ross across the room talking to an advisor. Tony took this opportunity to make his exit.

Dozens of reporters and civilians were lined outside the gates of the UN. Some were shouting his name to get his attention. Others were shouting vulgar expletives. Tony usually avoided the press like the plague, but today he was making an exception.

“Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark! Any comments on the most recent appointee to the Sokovia Council, the delegate from Brazil?”

“Mr. Stark! To you left, please!” He ignored the paparazzi with a camera and turned to his right.

“Mr. Stark! Care to comment on the Middle East? Will the Avengers be sent to Syria?”

“Mr. Stark! Could I have your autograph?” _Ah, there he is._

“Of course,” Tony grabbed the newspaper from the outstretched hand. “Ah, the _Daily Bugle_. What a reputable news source.”

Peter Parker laughed nervously. “Sorry, Mr. Stark, it’s the only paper I have on me.”

“No worries. Who do I make it out to?” Tony retrieved a pen from inside his jacket pocket.

“M.J. That’s—that’s not my name. It’s uh, it’s for my girlfriend.” Peter blushed.

“Sure thing.” Tony quickly scribbled on the newspaper. When he was done, he put his pen back into his jacket and folded the newspaper in half. Tony may or may not have slipped an untraceable StarkPhone between the pages. He watched Peter’s face closely through his sunglasses, knowing the teenager would sense the weight of the newspaper.

“Uh, thanks Mr. Stark! I appreciate it.” Peter quickly stuffed the newspaper in his backpack.

“No problem, kid. Stay in school!” Tony threw up a peace sign before retreating back to the parking deck at the UN.

***

Tony thought about spending the night in the Tower, but decided to drive straight back to the compound upstate. The Tower was filled with memories of Pepper and the team and the wormhole and...essentially everything he’d rather not deal with at the moment. He welcomed the four hour drive to Albany.

He called Peter as soon as he returned home to the compound, not realizing it was nearly midnight.

“Mr. Stark!” Peter said enthusiastically. “I was hoping you were going to call! That was so intense! You looked a little nervous, but I think I held it together for the both of us. It was very believable.”

“Right, yeah, great job, Underoos. You finish your homework?”

“I’m almost done, actually. I just have—wait you didn’t slip me an encrypted StarkPhone to ask me about my homework, did you?”

“Ah! There we go. Connecting the dots.”

“Okay, right, sorry! So when are we going to meet up again? Aunt May keeps asking about you, which is really weird. She told me to ask you if you wanted her to send over any of her baking. But I think we know the answer to that,“ Peter laughed. “I’m busy this weekend, but I could say I’m going on some field trip and--”

“Slow down there, genius,” Tony interrupted. “We aren’t meeting in person. Not for the foreseeable future.”

“Wait, why?” Peter failed to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Secretary Ross has his eyes set on Spider-Man. And he’s put a surveillance team on me. Clearly he doesn't trust me, which I would argue is rather smart of him. But that’s bad news for us,” Tony explained.

“So I’m not joining the Avengers?” Peter asked hesitantly.

“Uh, no,” Tony said bluntly. “What gave you that idea?”

“Maybe when you brought me to Germany to fight Captain America and his friends?!” Peter said frantically.

“That was mistake on my part,” Tony said. He couldn't help but cringe at Peter's choice of words _—Captain America and his friends._ But it was true, wasn't it?

“A mistake? I thought you said I helped?”

“You did! Just listen for a minute,” Tony said, growing impatient. “If you were to join the Avengers, you would need to sign the Accords. Do you not realize what that would mean?”

“That I’d need to get a passport?”

Tony couldn’t tell if Peter was being sarcastic or naive. He decided on the latter. “If you you joined the Avengers, you would have to sign the Accords as Peter Parker—Spider-Man. Your identity isn’t protected. When you go public, everyone will know who you are, even the bad guys. Can you understand that?”

Peter went silent. Tony had thought the call dropped, but remembered he was the one who designed the phone. His calls never get dropped.

“I want to help,” Peter said eventually. “But...I have my Aunt May to look after. She’d be so mad if she found out I’ve been lying to her. Me and her, we said we’d never keep secrets.”

Tony sighed. He was rarely put in the position to offer comfort. But he needed to stop Peter before he made a huge mistake.

“Listen, kid. You’re young. You’re still in high school for Chrissakes. Focus on being New York’s hero for now. You can always chose to reveal your identity later, but if you do it now, you can’t go back. Believe me, I would know.” Tony thought back to that press conference, over eight years ago. “Did you know SHIELD originally wanted me to say Iron Man was my bodyguard?”

Peter laughed loudly over the phone. “Haha, seriously!? That would’ve never worked. You can’t be in two places at once.”

Tony smiled weakly. “See? It wouldn't have taken long for someone to see right through the lie. So I went public. And the rest is history.”

“I understand now,” Peter said slowly. “I know you said to lay low, but if people are in danger, I have to help. I’m not going to watch innocent people get hurt.”

“Just promise me you’ll watch your back, alright?” Tony frowned for a moment, remembering his conversation with Natasha all those weeks ago. He needed to learn how to take his own advice.

“I will. Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“Call me on this phone if you need anything.”

“Okay! Goodnight! And thanks, again. I know I just said thanks, but uh, you know...thanks for the new suit and everything,” Peter said awkwardly.

“You’re welcome, Parker. ‘Night.” Tony ended the call. He only hoped that with Spider-Man keeping his distance from the Avengers, Ross would end the witch hunt before it started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos! Please let me know how this chapter was, especially the part with Peter. I've only seen CW once (so far!) and I'm still trying to work out his character for this story. As you can see, Tony's trying his best to keep Peter away from Ross. I'm not sure when/if he'll reappear just yet!


	4. Chapter 4

“We’ll work on some footwork today. Make sure you stay light on your feet.”

Tony looked up from putting his gloves on. Steve had asked him to spar with him the other day. Natasha was usually his partner in the gym, but she had ran off to collect Clint from wherever the hell he was.

“You do realize I wear a suit that weighs over 200 pounds? Being light on my feet isn’t usually a concern of mine.”

“Yes, I’m aware. And I realize you’re usually in the sky and not fighting on the ground level, but I figured we’d focus on getting you warmed up.”

“Warmed up? You won’t hurt my ego, Steve, it’s already overly inflated. I’m out of shape and we both know it.”

“Well...now that you’ve recognized the problem, let’s correct it. Are you ready?” Steve extended his gloves.

Tony returned the gesture, bringing his gloves down on top of Steve’s. “Ready.”

They were at it for a while. Steve paused occasionally to correct Tony’s stance and punches.

“Take it easy, okay? Know your limits,” Steve spoke up. “Pepper will kill me if you hurt yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tony took at shot at Steve, however, he overestimated his swing and lost his balance, falling forward. Steve hadn’t predicted this and lost his own footing, causing both of them to fall backwards on the mat.

Steve laughed. “Nice one, Shellhead. Guess we’ll focus on footwork next.” He began taking off his gloves, casting them aside on the floor.

Tony stared at Steve. “When were you going to tell me?” he said softly.

“Tell you what?” Steve looked up at Tony's face. His smile fell.

“There’s really no need to lie about it now.” Tony tried his best to keep his voice level.

“I really don’t—” 

“For fucks sake, Steve! I already know! Don’t you get it!? I want you to say it to my face!"

Steve looked away. “How did you find out?”

“That’s not important.”

“I think it’s--”

“The only thing you need to know about it is that _you_ weren’t the one to tell me! I was going to find out eventually, you know? You could’ve given me the fucking courtesy of telling me yourself.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Steve said, his own voice rising. The lack of acoustics in the gym caused his words to echo. “‘I’m sorry my brainwashed best-friend from the 40s killed your parents?’ I had a hard time accepting it on my own, you know. I considered Howard a friend.”

“Some friend you are,” Tony spat.

“I was going to tell you, Tony! I just needed to find Bucky first. I had to make sure he was okay.”

“You wanted to find the guy who nearly killed you on the Potomac? _That_ was your priority?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t expect you to understand. When I had nothing...Bucky was the only one I had in my life after my mother died. And it was my fault I lost him during the War. I thought he was dead. And then I suddenly find out he’s alive? That he had been tortured by HYDRA for over 70 years while I was on ice? I didn’t know how to react!”

“You still should've told me. The moment you found out.”

“I know. And I’m sorry, Tony. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

Tony closed his eyes and removed the headset.

He had only used his new therapy tech on himself a few times. Tony was an inventor and engineer at heart, so of course he would be his own test guinea pig. Critics had applauded him for creating technology to help those suffering from mental illness. Experts said it would revolutionize cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Tony hoped at least it would help one person. Because it sure as hell wasn’t working for him.

The memory—the beginning of it—had been from just after Steve’s return to the Tower. Tony had been recovering from getting the shrapnel removed when SHIELD/HYDRA fell. Once he had finished recovering from his own injuries, Steve flew to New York with Natasha in tow. They wanted to get the team back together to eliminate HYDRA cells once and for all.

Needless to say that was enough initiative to put the suit back on.

Tony jumped at the chance to be Iron Man again. He desperately wanted an excuse to build more suits. Pepper had been less accepting of the situation, with more than enough reason. Tony realized that marked the beginning of the end for them. He was hurt when Pepper had chosen to fly out to a conference instead of staying for the party. Now, he realized, it was a blessing in disguise. He couldn’t have imagined what might have happened if Pepper had been hurt during Ultron’s attack in the penthouse. The looks of disappointment and anger on the team’s faces had been hard enough to deal with.

Steve’s letter after Siberia had pissed him off, though that probably wasn’t the man’s goal in writing it. He explained his actions, mustered up a half-assed apology, and gave him a burner phone. Did Steve honestly think that would be enough for forgiveness?

“Boss, the UN is calling," FRIDAY announced.

Tony sighed. Hopefully this time they’ll actually need the Avengers.

***

It turns out, they didn’t need the Avengers. Again.

Tony had just gotten off a conference call with the Accords Council. There had been a situation in Morocco, which he suggested needed the support of the Avengers. Unfortunately, the Council didn’t feel the same. Three of the delegates, including the one from Morocco, voted to have domestic authorities contain the situation. That had been over five hours ago. The Council had called a few minutes ago to update them, informing them that the crisis was averted and the threat level was now nonexistent.

“Your move,” Vision called out. They had been in the middle of a chess match when the Council called.

“Do I look like I want to play chess right now?” Tony feigned a smile.

“I can understand why you are frustrated. But the Moroccan authorities handled the situation. There were no casualties. We were not needed.”

“I’m going fucking stir crazy here! We’ve only been requested _twice_ in the past month!” Tony said angrily.

“Yes, it is quite unfortunate. Are you going to make your move now?” Vision gestured to the chess board.

Tony stalked over to the table. He picked up a piece at random and placed it down two squares over. “Happy?”

“I’m afraid that’s an illegal move. That places your king in check.”

“Jesus.” Tony rolled his eyes. “I’ll make it easy for you.” He reached over and pushed his king over. “There, I forfeit. You win.”

Vision stood up. “Our situation may be less than ideal, but it will do us no good to challenge the Accords Council every time they make a decision. Secretary Ross is waiting for you to make a wrong move.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier to sit around waiting for a mission while you go off to console your girlfriend,” Tony spat.

“You are clearly mistaken,” Vision said sharply.

“Am I? I had FRIDAY bring up the security footage from when Barton broke in. Looks like you _really_ put up a fight. You just let them walk away.”

“Like how you let Captain Rogers walk away?” Vision countered.

“That’s—that’s not nearly the same thing. And you know it.”

“Arguing about what has happened will not change our current situation. It is merely a waste of energy.”

“Whatever.” Tony pushed the button to the elevator. “I’ll be downstairs.”

“Very well.” Vision phased through the ceiling. Tony had designed this building years ago, so he was more than familiar with the layout. Wanda’s room just happened to be directly above the living room.

***

The rest of the week was uneventful. Tony busied himself with some new designs for R&D that were well overdue. The worst part was he really had no excuse not to have completed them earlier. It wasn’t like being Iron Man was taking up a large part of his schedule.

The main floor of the facility was empty. FRIDAY had informed him that Vision had left the campus that morning. And Rhodey was out at a bachelor party with some of his Air Force buddies. Tony was alone.

“Hey, FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Boss?”

“How’s the forecast look?”

“Clear skies all day. Chance of rain in the late afternoon.”

“How about we go for a spin?” Tony went to go suit up.

Tony felt instantly better as he took off from the compound in an Iron Man suit. If the Council said he couldn’t fight, then fine. But they couldn’t stop him from doing what he loved the most.

There was no other feeling like it in the world, being in the suit. Tony was helplessly addicted to the adrenaline he got from soaring thousands of feet above the ground. He wasn’t lying when he told Steve he couldn’t stop himself being Iron Man.

The sun was setting by the time Tony landed back at the facility. He must’ve flown for hours around New England. Tony thought about flying out west, to check on Barton’s family, but he quickly dismissed the idea. He didn’t exactly know where he farm was located, though he assumed it was in Nebraska or Wyoming. With FRIDAY’s help, it wouldn’t have taken much effort to find out. But Ross was still monitoring his movements. Only the team and Fury knew about the farm. And no matter how pissed Tony was at Clint for his jab back at the Raft, he wouldn't dare put Laura and the kids on Ross’ radar.

After showering and eating some leftovers, Tony retreated to his office. He poured himself a drink and sat down.

Thinking about Clint’s farm and Fury earlier had Tony recalling old memories. Clint had said they kept his family out of SHIELD’s records. That explained why, when Natasha dumped all the files online, the farm remained a secret. Those leaked files outed hundreds of HYDRA members all over the world. The files also had information about his parent’s murder and dozens of other crimes committed by the organization.

Tony remembered how he hacked into SHIELD the moment he stepped on the helicarrier all those years ago. Steve, fresh out of the ice, had called him out on it; saying it was wrong to go behind Fury’s back. But Tony had been right; he found out SHIELD wanted to weaponize the Cube. But why did he stop there? When HYDRA brought down SHIELD, Tony realized he had fucked up. He should’ve kept looking into SHIELD after New York. Instead he locked himself in his workshop and built a small army of suits.

Now, he thought, was his chance to look into just what he missed. After pouring himself another glass, he turned to his computer and began looking deep into the SHIELD/HYDRA files. Tony’s early searches revealed that a lot of the people from his pre-Afghanistan social circles had been outed as members of HYDRA. It made sense, after all HYDRA needed to recruit the best and brightest.

His searches inevitably led him to files about his father. There were hundreds of scanned documents, with some dating back to the 1940s. One letter from a Roxxon executive to a HYDRA officer called Stark Industries’ development of an arc reactor ‘problematic’ for their business. Other correspondence featured members of U.S. Subcommittees on Budget and Defense outlining new deals with SI. Tony’s anger and frustration grew as he continued his searches.

Tony dared to look for files on the Winter Soldier.

He regretted it.

All the reports, and photos, and notes were graphic. Nothing had been left out. They detailed the machines used to keep Barnes alive and the ones they used to torture him. There were videos Tony couldn’t bring himself to watch. Quickly, he exited out of the windows and turned off his monitor. Then, he threw up in a trashcan under his desk.

Tony felt disgusted with himself. Logically, he knew it wasn’t Barnes’ fault. But he lost all reasoning when he watched the video of his parents’ murder in Siberia. Barnes had just been a convenient target for his misplaced anger that stemmed from the brutal murder of his parents, the Accords, and Steve’s betrayal.

Tony stood up, not wanting to confront these feelings anymore. He walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

“Whoa!” Tony shouted as he nearly fell directly into the hole in the kitchen floor that had yet to be repaired. “Holy shit that was close. FRIDAY, call a contractor tomorrow and get them to take care of this.”

“Will do, Boss.”

Tony felt emotionally and mentally drained. He opted to sleep on the living room couch, silently hoping he had drank enough to get through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates this week! I just got done with finals. Apologies if this seems like a slow chapter. ~Things~ will be happening soon, don't worry. ;) The rest of the fic is finally planned out. I'm estimating 8 chapters and ~15k words total. A new chapter should come later today or sometime tomorrow.
> 
> As always, thank you all for the comments/subscriptions/bookmarks/kudos!


	5. Chapter 5

_“You really think that just because you have an idea, it belongs to you? Your father—he helped give us the atomic bomb. Now what kind of world would it be today if he was as selfish as you?”_

Obadiah paused, hands steady on the device currently removing the arc reactor.

Tony couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. He was paralyzed—yet, out of the corner of his eye, he could see a dark figure lingering in the shadows. Slowly the figure walked into the light...

_Steve!? Steve!_

Steve stood there passively, as if the event currently taking place in front of him was of no importance. His face, stoic. His shoulders, taut. He was dressed in his Captain America uniform. He didn’t have his shield with him.

Tony couldn’t form any words. He felt blood drip out of his ears.

_Steve! Help me!_

Obadiah turned his head, acknowledging their visitor. He smirked. “What? You think he’s going to help you?”

The device beneath Obadiah's hands turned and clicked. With that, he forced the arc reactor out, severing the connection inside Tony’s chest.

He couldn’t breathe.

_“Tony!”_

Tony sat up so fast he felt all the blood drain from his face. He threw his hands to his chest to cover the reactor only to find it wasn’t there. His eyes darted around the room. It didn’t look like the Malibu house—but his ears were still ringing. Nothing made sense.

“Tony! _Relax,_ you’re okay!”

Tony looked up to see Rhodey’s concerned face. He felt his face flush red with embarrassment. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to be _better_.

“Sorry,” Tony managed to say between labored breaths. “I—I uh, bad dream.” His hands didn’t leave his chest. “You’re back? How—how was the party?”

“Tones, listen to me,” Rhodey said slowly. His voice was kind and unpatronizing. “Stop talking. Take deep breaths.”

“Right. Sorry. Just need a minute.” Tony bowed his head, in an attempt to get blood flowing back to his brain before he passed out. He focused on slowing his breathing next. _In...and out..._

Rhodey sat patiently for a few minutes before speaking. “Okay now?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He glanced over at the elevator, already planning an escape.

“So,” Rhodey said before Tony could make up an excuse to run away. “You know it was Matt’s bachelor party, right?”

“Matt...he’s your friend from Basic?”

“Yeah. He’s been going through some stuff since he’s been back. PTSD.”

Tony shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “Sorry to hear that,” he said in a low voice.

“Danielle—that’s his fiancé—she filled me in a few days ago. Told me to watch out for him last night in case anything happened. They met before his second deployment. She’s been by his side through the worst of it.”

“Are you saying we should get married?”

Rhodey couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Depends what I’d get in the prenup.” He paused. “But seriously, Tony. I’m telling you this for a reason. These past few months have been difficult. I know we’re both dealing with our own shit right now—”

“I’m fine,” Tony cut in.

Rhodey sighed. “Come on, man. Don’t be like that.”

“I have trouble sleeping sometimes,” Tony admitted, knowing the conversation would be over the faster he opened up. “Not a big deal.”

“And the drinking? I’ve seen the empty bottles in the recycling, Tony.”

_Oh crap._ Tony looked up. “Since when do we recycle?”

“Isn’t SI the poster-child for green energy? You're just deflecting.”

"I'm okay. There's nothing to worry about,” Tony said. Maybe if he kept repeating himself, he could trick his brain (and Rhodey) into thinking his life wasn’t a total mess.

“Look, why don’t you come with me to the wedding this weekend? You can be my plus-one. Seating arrangements are always changed last minute anyway.”

“No, no.” Tony shook his head. “You know I’m no fun at weddings. And bedsides, I have a bunch of stuff I need to work on. Pepper’s request.” This was the truth. Tony had merely made a dent in his workload. R&D gets on well enough without him, but most of the engineers wanted the ‘Tony Stark Seal of Approval’ before production began.

“You talk to her lately? Pepper?” Rhodey asked.

“Just work-related stuff.

“Sorry, Tones.” Rhodey placed a supportive hand on Tony’s shoulder.

Tony never understood why Rhodey stuck by him all these years; from their college days at MIT, to the early days of Iron Man and War Machine, and even now, post-Accords. What did he do to deserve such a friendship?

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony stood up, hoping the conversation about his mental state was over. “How about some breakfast? You can tell me about the party while we stuff our faces with waffles.”

Rhodey wheeled into the kitchen. “Make sure to put extra chocolate-chips in mine.”

“You got it, honeybear.”

***

A few days later, Tony found himself alone yet again at the compound. He had spent much of the week hanging out with Rhodey before he left for his friend’s wedding. The rest of the time was either spent working on R&D for SI in the workshop or on conference calls with the offices in Los Angeles and New York. Things were looking good for the current quarter. And negotiations were underway for construction on a new arc reactor in Japan.

Tony hadn’t forgotten about his conversation with Rhodey from the other day. He felt bad about not being completely honest, but it was hard enough admitting to himself that he had a problem. Saying it out loud would’ve made it absolute, meaning he would have to address his demons sooner rather than later.

After a work filled (and alcohol-free) morning, Tony decided to take a break and explore the compound. He never appreciated how large the place was until he actually walked the entire campus. After Ultron, the place had been packed with dozens of new trainees. Most of them had been ex-SHIELD agents who couldn’t find work, or fresh faces to the hero business. But now the buildings stood empty and unused. As the Sokovia Accords developed, trainees became uncertain of their future with the Avengers. Some of them ran off to join Fury on the Helicarrier. Wherever the former director was, Tony had no idea.

_Damn him. Where the hell was he during Berlin?_

Though it wasn’t like Fury would have much effect on current circumstances. He lost his jurisdiction—if you could call it that—with the fall of the World Security Council. And, of course, with the demise of SHIELD. Despite having a grave with his name on it back in DC, Nick Fury was very much alive. Tony supposed he could find out where Fury was, if he put effort into it. But just like checking up on Clint's family, it would only raise more flags.

Tony was on his way out of one of the buildings when his phone rang. He pulled his cell out of his pocket and saw the number was blocked. Was Fury telepathic now?

“Hello?”

“Stark."

“ _Carter_ ?” Tony was unable to mask his shock.

“Is this a secure line?” Sharon asked immediately.

“Uh yeah. Why?”

“I have information you should know.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be across the pond?”

“I was reassigned. I’m Stateside for now,” Sharon said. Tony barely knew the woman, but by the tone of her voice, he could tell she wasn’t thrilled. Her CIA superiors probably found out about her aiding and abetting Steve in Berlin.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to pull a Snowden and flee to Russia. If you are, I’m the last person you should be whistleblowing to.”

“Listen to me," Sharon conveyed urgency in her words. "There’s a situation down in Dallas that needs the Avengers. I can’t go into details, but enhanced individuals are involved.”

Tony picked up his speed and started jogging to the workshop to suit up. Then, he froze. “Hold on. The UN hasn’t called about this.”

“That’s because they haven’t been told,” Sharon said bluntly.

“What?” Tony nearly yelled into the phone.

“If they knew, the subcommittee would most definitely vote to deploy the Avengers. But the White House doesn’t want to bring it to the UN. The Governor of Texas has asked for the President to deploy the National Guard instead,” Sharon explained quickly.

“I signed the damn Accords so we could deal with situations like this.” Tony started jogging again. He needed to get to the main building.

“Sovereignty is the issue here. If the UN subcommittee votes to send in the Avengers, but the United States, which was one of the main supporters of the Accords, says no...imagine what kind of precedent that would establish.”

“If this is a domestic issue, then we don’t need the UN,” Tony offered.

“But you signed the Accords,” Sharon said curtly. As if he could possibly forget _._ “The Avengers can’t go in without explicit permission from the government.”

“Then why the hell are you telling me this if I can’t do anything?” Tony had finally made it back to the main building. He ran into his office and pulled up CCTV in Dallas and various news stations on the screens. None of the networks were warning of any attacks.

“You can,” Sharon said. “Call the President. Get the commander-in-chief to send in the Avengers.”

“I’m sure the Texan Governor would just love that,” Tony said sarcastically. He had just switched the call over to a wireless headset. Quickly, he covered the mic. “FRIDAY, where’s Vision?”

“Sorry, Boss, Vision is currently unavailable,” FRIDAY informed him.

Tony slammed the desk. “Fucking great. Just great.”

“Stark,” Sharon spoke up again. “This information is classified. I’m telling you in good faith that you’ll do something about it.”

“I thought you were Cap’s girl. Why don’t you give him a call?”

“I’m capable of making my own decisions. I’m not anyone’s ‘girl,’” Sharon said coldly. “And I’ve told you all I can. They’ve stonewalled me here. Call the President as soon as I hang up.”

“I’m working on it.”

“Good luck.” Sharon disconnected.

Tony quickly dialed a new number into his phone. It rang. Once...twice…

“Hello?”

“President Ellis. This is Tony Stark. We need to talk about Texas.”

“Stark? What the—how did you get this number? This is my personal cell phone!”

“You can always change it later, sir. Can we focus on the problem at hand? Dallas needs the Avengers,” Tony said firmly, despite not fully knowing what the actual situation was. Hopefully Carter’s lead would get him somewhere.

“Dallas? Jesus Christ! There’s nothing—that’s classified information, Stark,” Ellis stumbled over his words.

“Tell me what’s going on so the Avengers can help.”

“The FBI, SWAT, and National Guard are already on the scene. There are good, capable men and women out there. This isn’t a United Nations issue.”

“I happen to disagree.”

“Stark, I appreciate the work you’ve done in the past, but this is not Avengers business. My hands are tied. I’m—”

Before the President could finish apologizing, local and national news outlets began projecting **_Breaking News_ ** on their headlines. Tony noticed that nearly half of the CCTV connections from Dallas had been lost.

_“Breaking News out of Dallas. Reports of multiple explosions…”_

_“First responders have been dispatched. We’re unable to report any closer to the scene…”_

_“At least 15 deaths are confirmed...dozens more have been sent to local hospitals in critical condition…”_

_“No further information at this time…”_

Tony didn’t know how long he sat there, just watching the aftermath on the news. He slowly took off his headset. The President must’ve hung up a while ago. He didn’t remember ending the call himself.

“Boss?” FRIDAY called out.

“Mute,” Tony said sharply.

He got up, walked to the mini bar in the corner, and poured himself a drink. Then another. And another. Until he felt nothing at all.

He heard his cell ring in the background but he didn’t answer it. It didn’t matter anymore. Instead, he opened up one of his desk drawers and retrieved a different phone. Steve’s phone.

Tony couldn’t focus on the screen by this point. Rather, he opened up the contact list by memory, having done it nearly 100 times over the past few months. Except this time, he actually pressed call.

Ring...ring...ring...ring…

_“I’m sorry, but the person you are calling has a voice mailbox that has not been setup yet. Goodbye.”_

Tony gave a hollow laugh. He slid to the floor with his back against the desk.

Steve. _Steve._ The one who said he’d always help. Who wrote a fucking letter saying he would be there if Tony needed help. Whose shield hangs in the workshop, mocking him every time he walked by.

“Fuck you, Steve! You—you left me to deal with this shit! I don’t know what to do! I didn’t want this! I didn’t ask for this!” Tony’s voice broke as he shouted in the phone. He knew it was futile. Steve would never hear it.

Tony threw the phone across the room. He stumbled to his feet to inspect the result, and frowned upon seeing the phone still intact.

“Fucking flip phone.”

He picked it up again and snapped it in half. He let it slip out of his hands, finally satisfied with the damage.

With that, Tony stalked away from his office in search of more booze. He only had one mission now: to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really shitty at knowing when I can post chapters. Sorry! There are three more chapters left now. I'm halfway done writing the next chapter, so I'm estimating an update this weekend. 
> 
> ~Also~ I'm thinking about writing a sort of sequel/companion to this, which would follow Steve and the team from their escape from the Raft onward (from Steve's POV). Would you guys be interested?


	6. Chapter 6

Tony knew from the horrible taste lingering in his mouth that he was feeling the aftermath of another poor decision. His whole body ached as he shifted from where he was laying down. The couch, maybe? He didn’t remember falling asleep. Actually, he didn’t remember much at all.

“Ugh...oh god.” Tony covered his eyes with a hand. The lights were painfully bright.

“Rhodes, he’s conscious.” Tony heard Jarvis’ voice. No, _Vision's_ voice.

“No, I’m not,” Tony mumbled, desperately hoping sleep would reign him back in.

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Vision said. Tony didn’t hear any footsteps so he assumed Vision phased through the ceiling again, and into Wanda’s empty bedroom. If he wasn’t half-awake, Tony might have called the AI out on his odd obsession.

“Hmm?” Tony squinted. “FRIDAY, dim the lights. 30 percent.”

With the lights no longer blinding him, Tony could see Rhodey sitting across from him, arms crossed.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Jesus, Tony,” Rhodey said with a mixture of anger and concern.

“I...I wasn’t.” That had been the whole point. Wasn’t it obvious?

“Vision called and said he found you laying in your own vomit.” Rhodey lowered his voice. “God, you could’ve choked and died, do you know that?”

 _But I didn’t._ Tony bit his tongue.

“I saw the news. I tried calling you but you didn’t answer. You have every right to be upset about Texas. It was a horrible tragedy but it wasn’t your fault! You have to stop beating yourself up for things that are out of your control.”

“If I hadn’t signed, I could’ve stopped it.” As he spoke, Tony realized he didn’t _actually_ know what happened in Dallas. He remembered Carter’s call and the breaking news, but everything else was a blur.

“You don’t know that.”

“I really don’t want to argue with you.”

“I’ll stop arguing when you stop trying to drown yourself with guilt!” Rhodey shouted. He looked away, trying to calm himself.

“I can’t deal with this right now.” Tony swayed as he sat up.

“Clearly,” Rhodey said dryly.

Tony didn’t bother to respond.

It was a struggle, but Tony made it into the elevator without falling over. He desperately needed to sleep off the worst of his hangover. Once he was in his bedroom, he went into the bathroom to and got a cup of water from the sink. The cool water was a much needed relief. He quickly chugged down two more cups. Tony paused; his stomach churned. Drinking that much water so fast probably wasn’t a good idea. He leaned over the toilet, dry heaving until the feeling passed.

If it was possible, Tony felt worse sitting on the floor of his bathroom than he did when he first woke up. He knew he needed to apologize to Rhodey. He was being a selfish asshole (again). He thought back to his birthday party a few years ago--how stupid and reckless he had been. While he hadn’t hit that low, he was treading dangerously close.

Tony stood up, leaning on the sink for support. He used the rest of the water in his glass to swallow some aspirin for his headache. Near his bed, Tony found his phone and plugged in into his wall charger in case anyone calls. Based on the past 24 hours, it was unlikely.

FRIDAY automatically cut the lights as he crawled into bed.

All he needed was a little more sleep.

***

Tony awoke again later in the afternoon. He didn’t feel nearly as numb as he did when he woke up earlier from the couch. He remained in bed for some time, unsure what to do.

He checked his phone as soon as he was alert enough to read the screen clearly. The only missed call was from Rhodey, who had mentioned his attempted call earlier. He tossed his phone aside and went for his laptop on his side table.

Despite his best efforts not to, Tony began looking at the news covering the explosion in Dallas.

Information was all over the place, some of it contradicting. In short, the main explosion had been an accident. In the basement of a clinic, an unlicensed doctor had been apparently attempting to treat enhanced individuals seeking a cure. One of the patients, a young 20-something became unstable. The situation escalated when law enforcement was sent in. Investigators were still trying to reconstruct the scene, but there was little to know information on the patient's abilities, which only added to the fear and confusion surrounding the explosion. The White House hadn’t released an official statement yet. No doubt Ellis and his press team are figuring how to respond.

Tony searched articles mentioning the Avengers. A few results popped up.

_How the Sokovia Accords Affected the Avengers_

_12 Reasons Why We Need the Avengers  
_

_The Avengers Post-Accords: What we know_

_Dallas: Where were the Avengers?_

Tony slammed the laptop shut.

***

Later on, Tony was lying on the couch with his StarkPad, trying to distract himself with some SI reports. The words on the screen, however, appeared fuzzier than usual. Maybe it was the lingering affects of last night’s drinking binge, or perhaps he needed to get fitted for some glasses.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a woman walk past him and towards the front door. She was walking barefoot, clutching heels in her arm whilst reaching in her purse for keys. For a moment, Tony’s heart stopped; he swore it was Pepper with short blond hair. But upon closer inspection, he realized it wasn’t Pepper at all.

Tony sat up and coughed once, to alert her of his presence. The woman jumped and turned around.

“Oh!”

“Hello there.” Tony waved. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

“No, we haven’t.” She walked over to the couch to shake Tony’s hand. “I’m Carol Danvers. I gave James a ride up here from the wedding. He let me crash for a bit before heading back out.”

“I’m Tony.” He took her hand and shook back. She had a strong grip.

“Yes, I know.”

“So, what do you do?”

“I’m a test pilot in the Air Force.” Carol paused, unsure if she wanted to continue. “I actually applied to be an astronaut candidate for NASA a few months ago. I finally made it to the interview and testing phase. I’m due in Houston on Monday.”

“Impressive,” Tony responded rather casually. He had been in space, once.

_Don’t think about the wormhole. Don’t._

“Hopefully they think so.” Carol smiled in spite of Tony’s tone. “I’m pretty confident in my credentials. I’m just a little worried about the interviews and psych evals. They’re pretty intensive.”

“Well, you seem sane to me. Although anyone who volunteers to live in a can in space for six months might be crazy.”

Carol laughed. “I’ll take the first part as a compliment. But no, I was an alcoholic. Seven years sober.”

“Wow.”

“James told me a lot about you.”

Tony cringed internally. He was about to get an intervention from a stranger on Rhodey’s behalf.

“Did he now?”

“He’s worried about you.”

“I don’t know why.”

Carol frowned. “You don’t know why he’s worried? Or you don’t know what he’s worried about?”

“What? He’s my friend. So yeah, he worries. But I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you’re not fine, you realize that? Being Iron Man...I’m sure that’s a lot to handle.”

“Sometimes.”

“I’m not pretending to be an expert, hell, I’m still learning after all these years. But there’s no quick fix. When I decided to stop drinking, I focused on faith and forgiveness. Faith in yourself to make the right choices. And forgiveness for when you don’t.”

“See, that sounds simple in theory. But in practice…” Tony trailed off.

“That’s why you surround yourself with a solid support group. If you need a shoulder to lean on. Or if you need a kick in the ass,” Carol teased. She set aside her shoes on the floor and reached back into her purse, retrieving a piece of paper and a pen. She quickly scribbled a phone number on the back. “If you ever want to talk, here’s my cell.”

Tony held up a hand. “Thanks for the offer, but—”

“You don’t have to commit to anything, I’m just offering.” Carol placed the paper on the coffee table. “Well, I gotta fly back home to the West Coast before heading down to Houston.”

“I could put in a good word, if you want.”

Carol smiled uncomfortably. “I appreciate the offer but if I’m going to get in, I want my experience to speak for itself.”

Tony nodded. “Of course.”

“Just curious—you have contacts at NASA?” Carol tiled her head. “Is SI planning on branching into space exploration?”

“Not exactly. Musk owes me a favor. We could strap you to one of his Dragons if you don’t get the job.”

Carol laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Feel free to send a postcard from the ISS.”

“That’ll be a lot of stamps. And I haven’t actually gotten the job yet. There are at least two dozen other candidates at this point.”

“NASA would be making a mistake if you didn't.”

“Take care, Tony." Carol smiled. "It was nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Tony watched as she left the living room and walked to the front door.

***

In the days that followed, Tony managed to avoid Rhodey, Vision, and calls from the press. He did take calls from Pepper, however, they were strictly business related. SI was moving forward in negotiating contracts for a arc reactor in Japan. And while Tony didn’t need to be directly involved, the Board wanted to make sure he was kept up to date. Reactor technology flourished under Tony’s reign, so it was only appropriate that he was informally overseeing the new project.

He had panicked a little when he noticed the current date, realizing he hadn’t left the compound for almost a week. He'd locked himself away in his workshop so much that the days blurred together.

Once again, Tony found himself on his way to City for a meeting at the UN. After that, he was flying out to California to give a commencement address at Stanford. It was the last thing he wanted to be doing. But he had made the commitment months ago and there was no backing out.

The UN meeting had been set before the incident in Dallas, so he could only imagine what was to be discussed.

Tony walked into the conference room a few minutes late, hoping no one would notice. But he was surprised to see the meeting hadn’t even started. He glanced around the room and saw the delegates from Russia, the United States, and China were absent. 15 minutes later, the missing delegates gathered at their seats.

“My apologies for the delay, we can now call the meeting into session. Our schedule is flexible today so I’d like to begin by opening the floor for comments,” the delegate from Russia said.

“We of course, need to acknowledge the tragedy that occurred in America. The clinic explosion in Dallas, Texas,” the French delegate spoke up.

“Yes, yes. I do wonder, why Mr. Stark, as Iron Man, and the, uh, android member of the Avengers weren’t called in to respond?”

Tony stared straight ahead. He could feel eyes watching him.

“Mr. Elkins?” the Russian delegate turned to his right.

The delegate from the United States shifted uncomfortably. “I do believe that the Accords ultimately protects a nation's sovereignty, is that not correct? As the events were unfolding, the White House and local law enforcement deemed it unnecessary to call upon this subcommittee.”

“I think we can all agree that some of the language in the Accords needs to be clarified. For instance, the Inhumans...that caused the explosion were unarmed civilians. Do events such as those constitute this subcommittee to convince?”

Tony had turned out of the conversation at this point. No one had called on him, so it was rather easy for his mind to wander. Later into the meeting, his head jerked up as the Russian delegate banged a gavel on the table.

“Now, our second point of discussion. Mr. Sakda, from the Thai Delegation, previously put in papers for this subcommittee’s review. Some of you may or may not have already been briefed on the situation. Two weeks ago, an armed militia group kidnapped a group of children from their school. Allegedly, the group has been recruiting children in hopes of finding a child with inhuman abilities. We do not believe they are experimenting on the children, but unfortunately, information has been limited on the matter.

“However, it appears this is no longer a direct matter for his subcommittee. Steve Rogers and his associates were just spotted in Thailand last week. They were last seen leading the group of students back to their village before fleeing the area.”

Murmurs and whispers from the delegates increased.

“What statement will this make?” One man said

“How should the UN respond?” A woman called out.

 _Shit_ , Tony thought. _This complicates things._

Tony stood up and pulled out his phone and then his sunglasses, hoping to sneak away from the meeting and call Vision. Did Vison even stay at the compound that week or had he flown off to Steve without his notice?

Tony turned a corner and came face to face with the last person he wanted to see.

"Stark, tell me, how's Steve Rogers?" Secretary Ross asked casually.

"What?"

"Surely you know how he is, don’t you? After all, you clearly contacted him about Thailand."

"I haven't seen or heard from him since Siberia."

"Of course you haven't. Tell me, is the allure of being a superhero just wearing off on you? Is that it? You've decided to take up cyber-terrorism as a new hobby?"

"What are you talking about?" Tony narrowed his eyes. He was beginning to see Ross’ endgame.

"I spoke to President Ellis last week. He informed me that you called him prior to the Dallas incident."

"I did."

"Are you aware that at that time, the information surrounding Dallas was classified?"

"Vision and I should've been notified—" Tony began, but he was cut off by Ross.

"You didn't answer my question. You accessed classified information, did you not? You must see the picture this paints, Stark. You've been known to hack into SHIELD servers in the past. Fury was too soft on you and didn't do anything about it. But obtaining classified FBI and White House information? That's a federal crime. Not to mention the fact that you ignored the Accords in doing so. And now you're in contact with the vigilante Rogers and his team of misfits."

"I can see the picture just fine, Secretary. It seems to me that because you all made the wrong call with Dallas and waited too goddamn long to do anything for Thailand, you need to divert the negative attention to someone else. Tell me I'm wrong."

"I don't have to tell you anything. You, however, have to go with these agents for questioning. I'm sure you understand the gravity of the situation." Ross raised a hand and gestured for someone to come over.

Tony turned his head slightly to see two agents in suits standing behind him.

"Ah see, that doesn't really work for me. Can we reschedule? I don't know if you've heard, but I was invited to give a commencement speech at Stanford tomorrow. I'm just on my way to the airport."

"That's a shame. But I'm sure the college will find another superhero to take your place. Your lot seems to be popping up everywhere nowadays." Ross smirked, taking in an insane amount of pleasure in his authority over Tony.

“Mr. Stark, if you would follow us,” one of the agents said. FBI, he assumed.

Tony reluctantly went along, not that he really had a choice. They didn’t cuff him, surprisingly. He understood why, though. He could imagine the PR fiasco that would come of the press getting pictures of Tony Stark being led away in handcuffs. No, no, they wanted to keep this under wraps. The government wasn't ready to condemn Iron Man just yet.

The ride to the agency was short and uneventful. Tony sat uncomfortably in the back row of an SUV with one of the agents. After they arrived, the agents took his phone, sunglasses, cufflinks, and watch. Then they escorted him into a holding cell.

“Really?” Tony said skeptically. “No interrogation room?”

“Please enter the cell, Mr. Stark. We expect your full cooperation.”

Tony thought about resisting, but there was no point. They locked the cell door behind him.

“Someone will be by to question you soon,” the agent said.”

“Do I get my phone call?”

The agent raised a brow. “You aren’t under arrest. You don’t get a phone call.” The man double checked the locks before turning around and leaving the holding room.

Tony took this time to check out his cell. There was a small bench that extended out of the wall, a small sink, and toilet bowl in the corner. On the way into the cell, he counted at least 5 security cameras. In his cell, it was impossible to tell where the cameras were without being blatantly obvious about it. He supposed it was better than the Raft, at least for now.

He was so fucked.

Why the hell was he protecting Carter? She was the one who called _him_ about Dallas. It would be so easy to throw her under the bus, if he was really heartless. But there wasn't anything he could do about the accusations about Thailand. Cyber terrorism, Ross had said. Hacking the US government and the UN to obtain classified information. Tony played around with SHIELD’s servers in the past, but he was too busy saving the world at the time for it to matter to Fury. But Fury’s not in charge here anymore. This was something new entirely.

Tony wondered if anyone even knew he was there. The thought terrified him.

Strangely, Tony's mind trailed to Justin Hammer, who was still locked up in some white collar prison in upstate New York. God, what if they end up sharing a cell?

 _Maybe you deserve this_ , a dark voice in the back of his head said. _Punishment for turning your back on your friends._

Steve and the rest of the team would probably be laughing their asses off if they could see him now. Karma is a bitch and all. Maybe he could bribe the guard to let him go, if it came to that. Or maybe Ellis would pardon him, if the charges held up. He had saved the man’s life, after all.

But Ellis’ term was up in February. What if the trial happened after? Would they even let him have a trial?

The hours dragged on. Tony had abandoned his suit jacket at this point and had rolled it up into a pillow to rest his head on it as he laid on the hard cell bench. Maybe if he just slept, the time would pass faster. He was trying not to think too much because that would surely lead him to start panicking. But the time moved so slow when he couldn’t distract himself with his own thoughts.

He found it impossible to fall asleep. The lights in the holding cell were too bright and the smell was pungent.

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony looked up. A guard had appeared in front of the cell bars.

“Do I get my phone call now?” Tony said, annoyed.

“Unfortunately I don’t get to make that decision. But I brought you this.” The guard held up the plastic bag he had brought with him. “Just some vending machine food.”

“Oh.” Tony didn’t know how to react. He didn’t even know this man. “I—uh, thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know.” The guard slid his hand through the bars. “Here you go.”

Tony got up but hesitated to grab the bag. He hated being handed things.

"Mr. Stark?" The guard's voice brought him back from his thoughts.

Tony laughed nervously. "Yes, uh thanks." He took a deep breath and retrieved the bag from the guard.

Looking inside, he saw a sandwich, granola bar, and a water bottle. Not exactly appetizing, but he was getting quite hungry. The UN meeting had been in the early afternoon. He didn’t even know what time it was now.

“Oh I’m gonna need the plastic bag back,” the guard said, turning around.

“What?”

“It’s just a precaution.”

“I’m not suicidal.”

“I didn’t say you were, Mr. Stark,” the guard said calmly. “It’s just the rules, I’m afraid.”

“Right.” Tony handed the plastic bag back through the bars. The guard took it and walked away.

Hours passed. He didn't get a phone call and no one had tried talking to him. Not that he would have anything to say, other than a few expletives. He thought about yelling, but that would only make them think he was crazy.

Maybe he was crazy. Crazy for thinking the Accords would help. Crazy for thinking Steve would agree with him. For assuming the rest of the team would stick by his side. Hell, Romanoff even turned her back on him. And she had signed the dammed papers. Tony wondered where she was. Maybe with Fury, or Steve. No doubt back in the spy business. Natasha was clever, Tony can admit that. She had him fooled from the beginning.

Suddenly he heard voices from the corridor and two sets of footsteps.

Tony sat up.

“Well, it looks like if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.”

“Hill?” Tony said, shocked. Maria Hill stood outside his cell with one of the agents, who began unlocking the cell door.

“Don’t say anything until we’ve left the building,” Maria instructed. “And here’s your stuff.” She handed him a small plastic bin with his belongings. “Let’s go.”

They didn’t say a word to any of the agents or the guards on their way out. One agent navigated the building with them until they came upon an exit. The last security door beeped before opening, revealing a parking deck.

Maria led Tony to a white sedan. She went for the driver’s side, making it clear who would be doing the driving. Annoyed, Tony entered the passenger’s side.

“Okay. Talk away. I didn’t want to speak while we were inside. The walls have ears, and whatnot.” Maria waved her hand.

“Can you get to JFK, ASAP?”

“Why?”

“I have to give a commencement speech at Stanford in—” Tony looked at his watch. _Holy shit_. “Nine hours.” He reached for his phone to text his pilot, who was no doubt wondering why he hadn’t shown up yesterday afternoon. They needed to start prepping the jet for departure.

“Alright, I’ll get you there.”

“How did you know where I was?” Tony said.

“One of the guards, Talton, is ex-SHIELD. He gave me a call after his shift was up.”

Tony figured that was the guard who supplied him with a meal.

“What did he tell you?”

“Not much; he doesn’t have clearance.”

“Ross cornered me at the UN. He thinks I hacked into their servers, got classified intel, and told Steve about Thailand.”

“Did you?”

“No!”

“Relax, I had to ask.”

“How are we going to work this?”

“We? No, there’s no ‘we.’ You need to stay out of the picture. Don’t give Ross or the UN any ideas.”

“Ross didn’t seem like he was going to back down.”

“Come on Stark, you know he was bullshiting you. He wanted to see how you’d react. If they actually had any evidence, they wouldn’t have let you walk.”

“You’re right. I hope.”

“Let the lawyers handle it, isn’t that what you always say? If anything happens, we’ll deal with it. Go take care of whatever you need to do in California. I promise you this shitshow will still be going on when you get back.”

“Okay. Jesus, I’m a mess.” His suit jacket looked terrible from when he used it as a pillow. And there was no time to change at the Tower. It was already past midnight. Including the flight and driving time, he was barely going to make it in time for the ceremony. He regretted not bringing the suitcase suit.

“It’s commencement, right? They’ll give you one of those robes, you’ll be fine.”

“True.”

Maria remained silent for most of the drive to the airport. Tony was thankful for it. He managed to get a few minutes sleep in before boarding the plane.

***

He made it to the campus, with minutes to spare. No one asked why he was late, they just accepted it as some billionaire superhero thing. Always busy.

The ceremony was taking place outside, where the early morning sun wasn’t quite strong enough to bring uncomfortable heat. A random assistant came up and handed him a robe and sash. He quickly put them on over his wrinkled suit. As he straightened his tie, he was ushered onto the stage with the rest of the deans and college leaders. The band began the procession and the future graduates took to their seats.

Tony managed to get a couple hours of sleep on the plane, but it wasn’t enough. Thankfully his sunglasses hid the bags under his eyes.

He had written a speech, or at least tried to. It was terrible. He thought about going off-script.

“I’m honored to introduce our keynote speaker, Mr. Tony Stark.”

Tony looked up, not realizing it was already time for his speech. He stood up and flashed a smile. The quicker this was over, the faster he would be able to get back to New York.

The crowd erupted in applause, eager to hear what wisdom he has to share. Tony always prided himself in being a futurist. But the truth was, the future terrified him, perhaps just as much as graduates sitting before him. In all his years of innovation, he couldn’t have predicted gods and aliens and rogue AIs.

Yet here he stood, about to give a speech on the future.

“Thank you,” Tony threw up his trademark peace sign. Because that’s what it was about in the end. Peace. Right?

He heard the report of the gun and registered the pain in his left shoulder, but not at the same time. He did, however, realize he had fallen to the floor of the stage.

“SHE DIED! BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! SHE’S DEAD!”

 _You were supposed to be there_.

Tony cried out; partially because his arm was shot to hell and also because he fucked up again. A girl was dead because of him. Because _he didn’t do enough_. He didn’t do all he could. And people died. He signed the Accords to protect the people, yet he still failed. Again.

Someone pushed down hardly on his wounded shoulder. _Fuck, that hurt_.

Was the bullet still inside? He took a first aid course years ago, but he couldn’t remember if that was a good or a bad thing. He hoped someone else knew what to do. He felt cold and sweaty all of a sudden, was that the shock? Some of it dripped into his eyes, causing him to force them shut. Tony opened them again, to try and figure out what why so many people were shouting. But the world spun around him, despite already lying on the floor.

His head throbbed with intense pain. He was so tired. Tired from all the guilt. Tired of disappointing people. Pepper. Rhodey. Steve. The list goes on. It would be so goddamn easy to just let go. Tony wondered if he would wake up again if he just closed his eyes for a moment. Maybe he should chance it; the stakes were set 50/50. He had never been one to shy away from risk before.

He started to panic. Was this really it? Was he ready to die? Did he do enough?

Unfortunately, the decision wasn’t entirely up to him. His body had clearly chosen his fate on his behalf.

Tony wasn’t a religious man by any means. But in the off chance he was wrong, he silently prayed, hoping to see his mother again. It had been so long.

Tony’s last coherent thought before passing out was that he hoped Ross wouldn’t make him out to be a martyr for the Accords.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm officially terrible for not posting for a month (really, it's been a month as of today). I haven't forgotten about this, I promise!!! Real life has kept me pretty busy, unfortunately. Then I randomly started 3 other WIPs??? I'm still not happy with this chapter but I figured I just needed to post it already. Rest assured, this fic will be done by the end of the month!


	7. Chapter 7

Tony’s feet were cold. That was the second thing he felt when he woke up (the first being a dull pressure in his left arm). Yet, he most definitely had socks on and at least two hospital blankets were tucked around him. As he curled and extended his toes in an attempt to get the blood flowing, he looked around the room and realized he wasn’t alone.

Tony blinked. Pepper sat next to him in a chair that had been moved up close against his bed. She was busy typing away on her StarkPad, not yet realizing he had awoken. He lay there unmoving, not wanting to ruin this moment. He looked at her longingly; they had rarely seen each other in person during their “break” period. She looked beautiful as ever, with her hair pulled back and a rosy glow in her cheeks. It was a familiar scene, reminiscent of his stint in the hospital after he got the arc reactor removed. Yet there were subtle differences. He noticed her eye makeup was smudged at the corners; the skin around them was irritated.

“Pep?” Tony spoke up, breaking the silence.

Pepper put her tablet down instantly and looked at him with tired eyes. “Shh. Relax. You just came out of surgery,” she said softly. There was faint smile on her face; relief, maybe?

“You?” Tony asked, still in the midst of full coherence. There was an IV in his right arm. He wondered what they were giving him. But he decided he didn’t care enough to ask, as long as it kept the pain away.

“I’m your power of attorney,” Pepper reminded him. She held up a cup of ice chips and shook them in front of him. “Want some?”

“Sure.” Tony extended his (right) arm and took the cup. “Bad?” he said, mouth half full of ice chips.

Pepper paused, visibly hurt. Tony wasn’t too far gone to miss it.

“ _My arm_. Is it bad?” Tony corrected.

“You lost a lot of blood, Tony. They gave you transfusions.” Were those fresh tears in her eyes? “They said you might have some muscle damage. But with physical therapy, the doctors said it would be minimal.”

“Guess I should become ambidextrous,” Tony said jokingly, trying to lift Pepper’s spirits, if not his own. Most people didn’t know he was left handed.

Tony’s mind trailed off to the shooting. He knew all the news outlets would be covering his latest assassination attempt. He felt sick.

“You’re safe now,” Pepper assured him, knowing he was already putting the pieces together. “Happy is running security so there won’t be another—”

“Tell me about the shooter.” Tony interrupted her.

Pepper frowned. “Tony, I don’t really think—”

“Pepper, I need to know.”

She sighed. “His wife was killed in the explosion in Dallas...apparently he didn’t know she was an Inhuman, or that she was seeking a treatment. He committed suicide after he shot you. It’s over now,” Pepper added.

Tony went silent for a moment, digesting this new information. “They never called us. You know I could’ve done something.” _Steve would’ve done something._ Tony didn’t know why he was telling her this; trying to explain his inaction so she wouldn’t be disappointed with his failure.

“I know,” Pepper said with no judgement in her voice. He didn’t deserve her.

Tony laughed sadly. “Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Debatable.”

“Tony, please, not here.”

“Sorry.”

“Rhodey’s on his way. I sent him over on one of the jets. We had a long conversation before he took off.” Pepper had that look on her face. It was a mixture of frustration, confusion, and anger. And she only wore it when he did something wrong.

“About?” Tony played innocent. _Shit shit shit Rhodey told her_.

“He told me you’ve been drinking. A lot,” Pepper said softly. She raised a hand to her mouth, choosing her words carefully. After a moment she continued. “I don’t know whether I’m more upset about Jim not telling me sooner or that you felt you couldn’t come to either of us for help. Though I suppose I’ve been more than unfair to you.”

“Pepper, no, please. It’s not your fault. I fucked up. That’s on me. Not you. Not Rhodey.”

Pepper shook her head. “I was stupid. I thought that if I left, you’d stop driving yourself into the ground. That you’d focus on helping yourself, not me. And—and Tony, honestly, I needed time to myself to process everything that’s happened. I’ve been talking to someone for a while now. I never...I didn’t realize how everything was building up. It wasn’t healthy.

“You never told me what really happened with Steve in Russia, but I should’ve asked. I should’ve made sure you were okay. I’m sorry.” She reached over to take his hand.

Tony felt his eyes water. It would be easy to blame it on the drugs, but that would be a lie. And he didn’t want to lie to Pepper.

“We shouldn't get back together,” Tony said after a moment, his voice hoarse.

“No, I don’t think we should,” Pepper smiled sadly with tears in her own eyes. “Not right now, at least. I think both of us need to heal. But no matter what happens, I’m here for you. I want you to know that. You can always come to me when you’re feeling low.”

“Pep, I—” Tony paused, reconsidering his word choice. Damn those drugs. “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too, Tony.” Pepper rubbed the back of his hand. “Rest. Jim will be here soon. You’ll need your beauty sleep.”

“Beauty sleep? Hell, I’ve never looked better. This hospital gown does wonders for my eyes.”

“Of course it does. But humor me, okay?”

“Okay.” Tony closed his eyes. He was able to relax quickly knowing that Pepper was with him and Happy was standing guard. Soon, Rhodey would be here, too. Suddenly he didn’t feel so alone.

He wished falling asleep was always that easy.

***

Tony awoke again a few hours later. Pepper wasn’t in the room anymore. Instead, Rhodey had claimed the spot next to his hospital bed and was reading a magazine.

“Is that _Women’s Health_? I’ve missed last month's issue,” Tony said.

“Hey,” Rhodey smiled, looking up from the page.

Tony picked at his blanket.

“I’m sorry,” they both said simultaneously.

“Me first,” Rhodey said, not willing to negotiate. It was clear he had rehearsed his speech multiple times on the way over. Considering their last talk, there was a lot left unsaid. “I was an ass the other day. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was angry. And scared. And I hate seeing you drive yourself into the ground. When I went to Carol, she grilled me for shouting. Said it was counterproductive. That’d you’d need to come to a decision on your own terms.”

“I have. Come to a decision, I mean.”

“Really?” Rhodey said, shocked.

“Yeah. As soon as I get out of here, I’m going to stop. Or try to. No promises.”

“Pepper and I will be here for you. I take it she already talked to you about it?”

“Yeah. It didn't go over half as bad as I thought it would," Tony said. Considering all three of them remember his drunken birthday incident, this was surprising. He still maintained the fact he _thought he was dying_ at the time, although he realizes that was a terrible excuse to get plastered and throw a lackluster party (that turned violent).

Perhaps there was a parallel here; he had almost died this time, too.

“I talked to Nicole, by the way. She’s already preparing for your PT.”

“Great,” Tony feigned enthusiasm.

“It’s going to be hard as hell, but believe me, you’ll thank her later.”

“Thanks, sugarplum.”

Rhodey smiled mischievously. “Oh and I met up with Happy when I got here. I told him you should probably be put under an alias to avoid extra attention. You know how nosy nurses can be.”

“Yeah? What name?” Tony raised his right arm to look at his hospital band. It took a little longer than normal for his eyes to focus on the letters.

 

PT# 0093-061018-104

_Stank, Anthony E._

DOB: 05/29/1970

AR: 06/10/2018

 

“Cute.”

“I thought so.”

“Vision sends his regards, by the way. We figured someone ought to stand guard at the compound.”

Tony looked away, focusing on the IV drip. “How helpful,” he muttered.

“I know you still blame him for what happened,” Rhodey sighed, knowing full well neither of them wanted to discuss the airport battle.

Tony scoffed. “You don’t?”

“What good will that do? It won’t change anything,” Rhodey said.

Tony shook his head.

Rhodey didn’t say anything for a minute. He sat there quietly observing his friend. “Shit, Tony. Just because you helped create him doesn’t mean I blame _you_ . Because I don’t. If that’s what you’re thinking, then you gotta get that out of your head. Vision...he’s an AI, an android. To be completely honest, I still can’t wrap my head around whatever the hell he is. But what I do know is that it was an _accident_. And you’re not responsible for him.”

“Why not? Shouldn’t I be responsible? Isn’t that the whole point of what we’re doing?”

“Tones, you’ve gotta stop thinking like that.”

“Uh sorry, I just need to change the bags,” a nurse interrupted from the doorway. She held a fresh IV bag in her hand. Tony and Rhodey didn’t say anything while the nurse readjusted the bags. “A doctor will be by to check in shortly,” she said on her way out.

“Thanks,” Tony said.

“No, problem, Mr. Stark,” the nurse smiled as she turned out of the room.

“Well my cover’s blown.” Tony looked to Rhodey, who had a small smile on his face.

“I know what you’re doing. Don’t try and change the subject.”

Tony sighed. “Look, I meant what I said earlier. I’m going to try harder to not fuck up.”

“You won’t fuck up. You just gotta take it day by day. First step is healing up and getting the hell out of here.”

“Any idea how long that’ll be?” Tony was dying to get back to the secluded compound, away from all the media fuss. It felt weird wanting to leave again; California had always felt like a second home. After MIT, he headed straight for R&D at SI out in LA and eventually started construction on his Malibu house. But after the Mandarin, and this latest attempt on his life, California left a bad taste in his mouth.

“We’ll see what the doctor says. No checking yourself out AMA,” Rhodey said seriously.

“You say that now, but wait until Happy brings in his _Downton Abbey_ DVDs.”

“Actually, you know the faster you get out of here, the sooner you’ll be down in the gym with me in PT.”

Tony made a face. “As much fun as that sounds...maybe a day or two lounging around here wouldn’t be so bad.”

“That’s what I thought,” Rhodey said, satisfied.

***

A few days later—after endless ice chips, bad cafeteria food, and a full _Downton Abbey_ season with Happy—they eventually released him from the hospital, under the direct supervision of Rhodey. Tony wanted nothing more than to retreat back to the compound and avoid the rest of the world, at least for a few more days. The doctors held their opinion that there wouldn’t be any lasting damage to his arm, but it was too early to tell without physical therapy. The only visible reminder of the incident was the sling he was being forced to wear. Even the stocks had recovered quickly.

Pepper promised to drop in later in the week and visit for a few days. She’d be on conference calls most of the time, so it wouldn't necessarily be a real vacation. But Tony would take what he could get.

His office was still trashed from his drunken binge a couple of weeks ago. He began reorganizing papers and throwing away trash. The process was slow with only one arm, but the last thing Tony wanted was a reminder of that night.

He was in the middle of cleaning when he remembered a certain kid from Queens. Tony went into his safe and retrieved the untraceable cell. Turning it on, he saw there were 3 voicemails.

_“Mr. Stark! Oh my god! I just got home from school! Everyone was talking about how you were shot in California. Please call me back!”_

_“Mr. Stark, I’m so sorry, it’s me again. I realized I didn’t even ask if you were okay! They said on the news that you were alive but they’re not saying much. Please call me if you need help.”_

_“Hi, Mr. Stark, it’s Peter. I know you’re probably still in California and you don’t have this phone with you. But please let me know if you need help! I’m kinda freaking out here.”_

Tony hit speed dial.

“Mr. Stark!? Thank god! Are you okay?”

“Hey, there, Spider-ling. Yes, I’m okay. It was just a scratch, no big deal.”

“Oh man, that was crazy. You were all over the news. CNN devoted half the time to “‘Stark Watch.’”

“You think they’d come up with something more original.”

Peter laughed. “Yeah, right? But really, you’re okay? Do you need me to do anything? Any Avengers business? I have a three-day weekend coming up. And I just applied for a passport! It should be ready in a few months. Do you know how expensive passports are? I had to fix a couple computers on the side to pay for it.”

“No, no. It’s not a good idea to get involved right now,” Tony said, the time he spent in FBI lockup still fresh in his mind. He decided it wasn’t wise to share this information and scare the kid. “Keep protecting New York, okay?”

“Okay, yeah. Oh crap, sorry, I gotta go,” Peter said quickly, in a hushed voice. “Aunt May just got home from work.”

“Tell her I said ‘hi.’”

“Ah, I really rather wouldn’t. She gets all weird when I mention your name.”

Tony laughed at that. “Alright, Underoos. I’ll be in touch.”

“Bye, Mr. Stark!”

Tony shut off the phone and hid it back in the safe. He wondered if Parker would ever tire of asking about joining the Avengers. With the little he knew of the kid, Tony figured it unlikely. But there was no way he or Vision would allow Spiderman to join on in full capacity, at least until Parker was old enough to fully comprehend the Accords. Hell, could minors even sign the Accords?

Tony shook his head and got back to cleaning. It didn’t take long before he came upon a different phone. This one was smashed and lying under a stack of unread reports.

He picked up the broken phone and brought it over to his desk. The back casing snapped off with ease, revealing the battery. Next, Tony popped out the battery to get to the tiny SIM card.

He dug around the drawers in his office, knowing he had a spare burner phone hiding somewhere. Living with spies had taught him to always be prepared. And to trust no one. The latter principle, Tony decided, he still needed to work on.

A few minutes into his search, Tony finally came across a spare phone. He took out the backing and swapped the SIM card for the one from the broken phone. After putting in the battery and closing the back, Tony held down the power button, purely to test if the SIM card was compatible.

It worked. An alert came on the screen: 1 Missed Call.

Steve had called him.

All it had taken was a failed assassination attempt.

Tony frowned. Was that supposed to be an extension of friendship? He thought back to the “apology” letter Steve had sent him.

He could call Steve right now, if he wanted. He could ask about the rest of the team, and how they saved those children in Thailand. Or he could warn them about Ross. Maybe he could apologize for almost killing Barnes.

Tony decided on doing neither of those things. Instead, he put the phone away; locking it up next to Parker’s burner phone. He was tired and unprepared for an emotional battle over the phone. He still needed to heal, in more ways than one.

***

Over the course of the next few weeks, Tony actually worked on getting his life back in order. Having Pepper visit the compound had been a nice reprieve after spending many hours in the gym for physical therapy. He even sat in on some teleconferences with Pepper, much to the surprise of the board and their other investors.

He had kept his promise with Rhodey; no more drinking. The urge was always present, though it wasn’t as prominent if he kept on schedule with his pain pills for his arm. The last thing Tony wanted to do was mix those with alcohol. It helped that Rhodey had seen to clearing out his stashes of half-empty bottles around the compound.

In the midpoint of his recovery, the UN called, asking for his presence at a meeting. Rhodey told him not to go, to send Vision instead. Tony brought up the fact that the UN would not take well to having a countryless android discuss international politics.

Tony felt all eyes on him as he strutted into the conference room on one of the top floors of the UN. He had abandoned his sling in the back of his car; driving with it on had been a hassle, but Rhodey wouldn’t let him leave the compound without it.

Tony surveyed the room. This would be his first public appearance since the shooting. Happy had offered to fly out himself, but Tony declined. He deduced that Happy must’ve called in a favor, because as soon as he entered the building, the deputy of the security team met him at the doors and assured him that security had been increased.

Before the meeting started, a few delegates came up to him to offer their well wishes for his full recovery and return to active status. Tony got the feeling none of them expected him to actually show up. In retrospect, that would’ve made a lot more sense considering the outcome of the meeting. Or, lack thereof.

In not so many words, the meeting went terribly. It was more of the same, as far as Tony was concerned. The Accords were preventing the only active Avenger (solely Vision at this point, considering Tony’s still healing arm) from engaging in an international dispute somewhere in Chile. Tony shouted a few choice words at the subcommittee, resulting in his removal from the conference room. He could see the headlines now: _Tony Stark Verbally Attacks UK Delegate_.

Pepper was going to be pissed, he knew that for certain.

Screw the UN. The last thing Tony cared about was proper parliamentary procedure when it came to the Avengers. He secretly hoped Steve and the rest of the team would take the matter in their own hands.

He gladly left the building and retreated back to his car. Surprisingly Ross and his goons didn’t corner him this time.

Tony felt too tired and angry to drive himself upstate so he settled for the Tower.

“Welcome back, Boss,” FRIDAY chirped as he stepped into the elevator.

“Hey, FRIDAY,” Tony acknowledged his AI. “Run diagnostics on Dummy and U for me, will you? Time to check up on the kids.”

“Initiating diagnostic checkups now.”

After reaching the penthouse floor, Tony sat down on the couch and kicked off his dress shoes. He dared to glance at the bar across the floor, which he had emptied before his arrival. He recalled his earlier conversation with a man from security.

“Uh...you want me to dump all of it?” the security guard had asked, perplexed. The housekeeping staff only visited every other day, and of course, this happened to be their day off.

“Yep. All of it. Down the drain. Hell, take whatever catches your eye.”

“Mr. Stark, are you sure?”

“100% sure. Remind me of your name again?”

“It’s Calvin Jacobs, sir. I normally do security for floors 30 through 40.”

“Fantastic. Expect a bonus check from payroll.”

“Holy—thanks, man. I mean thank you, Mr. Stark.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“You know, my girl, she was an alcoholic too,” Calvin said carefully, fearing he was overstepping. “She got help for it a couple years ago.”

“I—” Tony couldn’t think of anything to say. He quickly hung up the phone and began his drive to the Tower.

Tony shook his head, as if it would somehow clear out the memory. It looked like Calvin did just as he was instructed to do. He even took the empty bottles with him. Tony didn’t even bother to think of that. He’ll have to tack on an extra thousand to that bonus.

He was surprisingly glad to be back in the Tower’s workshop, despite the threat of unpleasant memories. Tony busied himself with repairs on Dummy and U for the rest of the afternoon. Dummy needed a bit more attention, however, due to his age. Tony tried not to have favorites, but Dummy had been there since the beginning. His creation was the one of the highlights of his time at MIT. Tony couldn’t believe the bot had lasted this long, especially after Malibu.

“Shit! Ouch!” Tony cursed as he shocked himself. He was repairing a stale connection in the lower part of Dummy’s base when his left arm twitched, causing him to drop the wire. Tony brought his left arm up to his chest and slowly massaged his shoulder with the palm of his right hand. The pain was returning, meaning it was time for another pill. Tony paused, realization hitting him.

_I left the pills upstate. Fuck._

Tony stood up, still cradling his left arm. He left the workshop via the elevator and headed up to the residential floor. He went straight for the bathroom connected to their old bedroom. Opening the cabinet, Tony moved around various bottles of vitamins and supplements before coming across what he was looking for.

“Ah, there we are.”

He held in his hand the bottle of unused pain pills from his heart surgery. They were the strong shit, he remembered that much. Twisting the cap off, Tony poured out a single pill and then broke it in half, placing one half back in the bottle and the other in his mouth. He turned the faucet on and used his hand to cup water to his mouth. Tony put the bottle back in the medicine cabinet and retreated to the bed. That ought to knock him out for a few hours.

***

Tony woke with a groan. The pain in his stomach was pulsating. He cursed to himself, realizing he took the pill without eating anything beforehand.

“FRIDAY?” Tony croaked. “Time?”

“7:19 PM, Boss.”

“The hell?” Tony rubbed his eyes with right hand. He had barely slept for two hours.

“Should I run the shower?” FRIDAY prompted, efficient as ever.

“Please.” Tony sighed before sitting up to undress himself.

***

An hour later, Tony was bored out of his mind.

He had FRIDAY order a pizza for delivery while he was in the shower. It was hot and ready by the time he was all cleaned up. He managed to eat a couple slices before feeling like he was going to throw up. After he ate, Tony finished up the repairs on Dummy, who happily whirled around from the attention.

Now there was nothing for him to tinker with. Tony had brought a suit with him (a modification of the MK 5 suitcase suit), but, unlike the bots, it didn’t need any repairs.

He was so thirsty.

He thought about giving Carol Danvers a call. But he didn’t feel like burdening her in the middle of her astronaut candidate process. They still barely knew each other.

Tony had already investigated the bar, purely to evaluate Calvin’s job disposing of his drinks. Of course, nothing was spared. Not a drop of alcohol was left.

_One drink won’t kill me._

He grabbed his keys and headed for the elevator.

There was something absolutely liberating about walking in New York City alone at night. Tony ended up walking a few blocks down to a private bar, of which he had been a member of for the past 30 minutes. The membership wasn’t cheap by any means. However the business and clientele were known for being discrete. It was probably careless of him to walk without a bodyguard, especially after the most recent attempt on his life. But Tony’s mind was only focused on one thing at the moment. He hoped that the darkness of the night would be enough to mask his identity as he made his way to the bar.

Tony was finishing his third drink when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped in his seat, but tried to conceal it by standing up.

“Tony Stark,” King T’Challa smiled warmly. “I didn’t know you were a member of this club.”

Tony cringed internally. He didn’t come here to make small talk.

“First time, here actually. Can I get you a drink?” Tony gestured to the bar. “I’m pretty sure I owe you one for Siberia.”

T’Challa held up a hand. “No, no. I was actually on my way out. I’d be more than happy to give you a ride back to your Tower.”

Tony blanched. The Tower had no alcohol. “Uh, well I haven’t been here very long. My driver—” He began.

“I really must insist,” T’Challa said firmly. “I’m sure your driver will understand.”

Tony laughed to conceal his anger. “Well, if you insist.” He pulled out his wallet and left the bartender a tip. Unwillingly, he followed T’Challa out to the man’s car. The driver already was already holding the doors open for them. T’Challa slid in first. Tony paused, looking around the street before entering the car.

“How are you healing, Iron Man?”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Tony avoided continuing the pleasantries. “You shouldn't be seen with me outside the UN.”

“Relax, my friend. This car is an extension of Wakandan soil—a perk of being a diplomat. No one can interfere with us here.”

“Do you not understand?” Tony said, trying to mask the panic in his voice. “Next time shit hits the fan, you’ll be a target, just like me. Then they’ll take you in for questioning. Though I suppose they might hit some roadblocks, seeing as you’re a king and all.”

T’Challa’s face darkened. “Who is asking questions? Were you detained?”

“Yes. About a month ago. Locked me up in a holding cell and accused me of cyber terrorism. I’ve been accused of many things but that’s not one of them.”

“You said this happened a month ago? That would’ve been right after Captain Rogers left Thailand,” T’Challa thought outloud.

“Yes, it would.”

“I wish I could tell you more, Stark. But if you are being monitored, it’s best I stay silent,” T”Challa said regretfully.

“How cryptic. Tell me this, is Black Panther planning on showing up anytime soon?” Tony asked. “Because as of right now, Vision’s the only active Avenger while I heal my damn arm.”

“I signed the Accords just as you did. Internationally, my reach is limited. Domestic issues, however, remain a private issue. I’m sure you understand. Right now there are too many curious eyes watching my country. Wakanda remains my first priority.”

With that, their car stopped. The driver began to unbuckle.

“No,” Tony held up a hand, “I’ll let myself out. Thank you for the ride.”

“Don’t you need to call your driver?”

“What?” Tony frowned.

T'Challa mirrored Tony's confusion. “To tell him you arrived back at the Tower?”

“Oh yeah—yeah I’ll take care of it. Thanks again.” Tony turned to exit the car, but paused when T’Challa put a gentle hand on his arm.

“I hope you find peace, Stark,” T’Challa said.

Tony couldn’t formulate a response; he barely knew this man, yet they had fought in battle together. All he could do was nod. “Your Highness.”

He exited the car and walked away from the curb. For the first time that night, he was thankful the Tower was free of alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well damn! I've missed my end of June deadline with this. Anyway, I'm aiming for the last chapter to be up sometime this weekend! Thanks to anyone who's still reading! I really appreciate all the kudos and comments.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's pretend it hasn't been four months since an update! s/o to anyone who's still reading this!

“Paging Colonel Rhodes,” Tony’s voice boomed over the intercom. “Your presence is requested in the workshop.”

Tony shifted the mic in his hands for a moment before placing it back on the worktable. Was he sweating? He felt like he was sweating.

“If there are any fires involved, you’d better look for another assistant,” Rhodey said as he entered the floor. It wasn't uncommon to see him wearing his leg braces nowadays.

“Once! That was once. And it was 20 years ago!” Tony cringed upon realizing how old the both of them had gotten.

Rhodey caught on. “Yeah, we’re both old as hell. We’ll have to get over it. Now, what’s this about?”

Tony stood up and put his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the Avengers are sorely lacking in the roster department.”

“Really? I had no idea.”

“And I—,” Tony paused to consider his words carefully. He didn’t want to seem overreaching. “Look, I know you haven’t mentioned anything about flying again. But I’ve recently had a lot of time on my hands. And well—” Tony gestured to a large sheet covering a tall object to the side of the room.

“Is that what I think it is?” Rhodey crossed his arms.

“If you’re thinking of a redesigned War Machine suit...then yes.”

“Let’s see then.”

Tony lifted up the sheet and revealed the new suit. “As you can tell, the legs are bigger, reinforced. Extra space for your leg braces. The arc reactor casing was also reinforced. I also added in a few back up reactors that’ll kick in if the main one is damaged.”

“How many is a few?”

“More than two? Less than 15?”

Rhodey stood next to him quietly assessing the suit. He absently placed a hand on his chin.

Tony rolled up the sheet, trying to occupy himself as he awaited Rhodey’s reaction. He feared the worst.

“Is this okay? Tell me if it’s not. I’ll scrap it, honestly. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should’ve asked you if you were okay with it. It’ll be gone by the end of the day, I promise.”

“I like it,” Rhodey said simply.

“I understand, it’s my fault—” Tony’s eyes widened. “Wait, it’s good?”

“I was wondering what was keeping you so busy down here. FRIDAY cut off my access to the workshop.”

“Surprise?” Tony said hesitantly. “So, this is okay?”

“It’s more than okay. God, I miss it.” War Machine had been a part of his life almost as long as Tony had been Iron Man. “But I don’t know if I’m ready just yet. I’m still working out some things, you know?”

Tony completely understood. “Take as long as you need. No rush. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Tones. I mean it.” Rhodey reached an arm around Tony’s shoulder. “First flight out, you get to pick the destination.”

“Sounds good to me.” Tony beamed at the thought of flying next to Rhodey again. He had finished the suit nearly three days ago but couldn’t muster up the courage to unveil it. But he did, finally. And Rhodey liked it. Any feeling of doubt was masked by the complete and utter relief he got from Rhodey’s approval.

***

Through half-closed eyes, Tony walked into his bedroom and changed into pajama pants. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this exhausted. After attending a September Fund event the previous night, he flew the jet out to Japan for a ceremonial signing of papers between Stark Industries and Fujikawa Industries. Fujikawa had commissioned an arc reactor for a new building on the outskirts of Tokyo. Tony knew he didn’t need to be there in an official capacity, but he went to support Pepper, who had basically orchestrated the whole deal. The meeting went smoothly and construction was set to being the next quarter.

He desperately craved sleep. Earlier in the week, he went with Vision to break up an extremist Inhuman cult in the Blue Ridge Mountains. The North Carolinian Governor appeared on the news later that night praising the Avengers. It had been a good press week, which usually meant the regular criticism would return in the following days.

However, the disapproval of the Avengers was nothing compared to Steve’s Secret Avengers. Despite Ross’ continued efforts to “bring them to justice,” no arrests had been made.

Tony rolled over on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to relax. He only managed to sleep for a couple of hours on the flight home.

It had been a few weeks since he showed Rhodey the updated War Machine suit. Rhodey had texted him while he was in Japan about possibly doing a test flight after returning to the compound. Tony couldn’t contain his excitement. He scheduled the jet for a red-eye back to New York as soon as the papers were signed.

Eventually his mind drifted.

He dreamt of finishing an assignment back at MIT, but being unable to find his bookbag with the report. He frantically tore apart his dorm room before realizing his efforts were futile. Then the sprinkler system turned on. That idiot down the hall probably forgot to open a window again. After shouting multiple expletives, he quickly ran towards the library in his soaked clothes hoping to make the deadline. But he couldn’t run fast enough—

Tony opened his eyes. He could feel that someone else was in the room with him.

He felt his heart speed up. If it was an intruder, FRIDAY would’ve sounded the alarm. That is if FRIDAY’s system was still online. What if they disabled it? Tony’s mind was on full blast running through a plan of action.

Slowly he shifted in bed, eyes closed as if he was still sleeping. He had forgotten to take off his watch before going to bed. Small miracle. Under the sheets, he moved his right hand on top of his left and keyed the buttons for the glove to be released.

_One...two...three..._

“Lights!” Tony yelled, praying at least the buildings’ basic systems were still operational. Quickly, he initiated the last stages of the glove's assembly and pointed it in the direction of his intruder.

“Jesus! Are you trying to blind me, Stark?” a familiar voice spoke up.

“Romanoff!? What the hell?” Tony held his hand up for a moment more, blinking as his own eyes adjusted to the bright lights.

It was Natasha afterall. Her hair was short again. She was dressed down in civilian clothes, no catsuit. He couldn’t see any weapons on her, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t carrying any.

“Is this real?” Tony asked. He knew it was a dumb question, but maybe he was dreaming. Or something else.

“Yes.”

“Right.” Tony reached for his head to take off the cognitive therapy headset. It didn’t take him long to realize he wasn’t wearing it. Looking to his left, he saw the headset was laying on the side table.

“What are you doing?” Natasha raised a brow.

“How did you break in?” Tony deflected.

“I didn’t have to, my codes still worked.”

“Guess that got lost on my to-do list.”

“I guess so.” Natasha sat down on the edge of the bed. “How are things?”

Tony felt like he ought to laugh. After a year of no contact, Black Widow sits here in his room, casually asking how he is. Natasha had always been a hard read, but the look on her face was completely genuine.

“Where to start? Rhodey’s excited about his new suit. Pepper’s busy with the new reactor deal in Japan.”

“I saw.”

“Yeah.”

“And how are _you_?”

“I’m not drinking anymore," Tony said, although he wasn't entirely sure why. "It was...becoming a problem.”

Natasha put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m proud of you. I’m sure that wasn’t easy.”

Tony gave a short laugh. “No, not at all.”

“Out of curiosity, how much has Vision told you?”

“I told him not to tell me anything. Plausible deniability.”

Natasha frowned at this. “Hm. I always assumed he was giving you at least some updates.”

“I’ve only heard what’s in the news.”

“So basically nothing,” Natasha inferred. “Can I tell you now? Is that okay?”

“Sure.” Fuck it. If they were going to arrest him for information on Steve and the Secret Avengers, they would’ve done it months ago.

“I guess I should start from the beginning. After the Raft, things were bad. We were all upset. Especially Wanda. Being held prisoner, it damaged her. All the progress we had made completely went away. Things were...problematic at first. But we all learned to cope. Some better than others.

“T’Challa gave us asylum, as long as we would run small missions here and there.” Natasha paused upon seeing Tony’s reaction. “I take it you knew that already?”

“T’Challa and I had very vague conversation a while back. He didn’t say anything, but I figured as much.”

Natasha continued. “Fury got Laura and the kids out to us a few months after we arrived in Wakanda. Scott left around that time. Sam’s still with us.”

“And the Captain?”

“He’s dropped the title. The first few months were difficult for all of us, but I think Steve took it the hardest, but less so than Wanda. Did Vision at least tell you about Barnes?”

Tony pursed his lips. “No. What about him?”

“He went back into cryo a few days after we got to Wakanda. ”

“What? Why?”

“He didn’t trust himself. And he had a valid reason. If someone could so easily do what Zemo did to him?”

Tony didn’t know how to react. After everything that happened, Barnes went back on ice. Tony couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. A few months ago, he would’ve done anything to temporarily escape from the world.

But maybe Barnes deserved an escape considering what had been done to him. Tortured. Framed. Hunted. Perhaps it was the first step in reclaiming his agency.

Tony looked away. He didn’t want to think about Barnes right now. About how he nearly killed the man in Siberia—or the nightmare scenarios where he succeeded. What kind of man does that make him? How would that have made him any different than Zemo?

“But we’re mostly a team again,” Natasha said, forcing Tony from this thoughts. “Scott drops in to help when he can. Vision usually comes when shit really hits the fan.”

“It’s good for him to get out. To be productive.”

“I’m sorry we weren’t there for you after you were shot. Steve nearly took the quinjet out to see you.”

Tony looked up, confused. Then he remembered the missed call on the burner phone. “Why would he do that?”

“You nearly died, Tony,” Natasha said bluntly. “And he blamed himself. That seems to be a common trend with both of you.”

“Dallas wasn’t his fault. The committee didn’t send in the Avengers.”

“And the shooter sought you out because you were an easy target. I hardly think anyone would try and assassinate Vision.”

“I’m not sure how I should respond to that.”

“You know what I meant. We were hiding away in Wakanda, far away from it all. And you know Steve, he always needs a mission—an end goal.”

“Loki, Hydra, the scepter, Ultron...what’s next?” Tony stared at his hands.

“That’s normally something we’d be asking you.”

“I don’t know all the answers. I never have.”

“When the time comes and they need us, and I mean _all_ of us, none of this will matter. The Accords, the UN…” Natasha trailed off. “We’ll need to be a team again.”

They both went quiet for a moment.

Natasha’s eyes lingered on Tony’s chest. He realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“Let me put something on.” Tony rolled out of bed and walked up to his dresser. His scars weren’t exactly something he’d want on display.

Natasha shifted on the bed. “Did you ever think, all these years after New York, we’d be right where we are now?”

“Feeling a little introspective tonight, Romanoff?" Tony teased as he picked out a random shirt and slipped it on. "To answer you question, no. I don't think I could've predicted half the team being labeled as criminals and the other half...well, we’re not that much better off."

“Things used to be simple. Follow SHIELD. Do good.”

“Was Budapest simple?”

Natasha gave him a look. “How’d you know about that?”

“Comms during New York. We kept the lines open.”

“Budapest was far from simple. For starters, we weren’t even in Budapest.”

“My ears are burning. Tell me more?”

“Clint tells it better. Long story short, bad intel put us in Bucharest. But the whole time Clint wouldn’t shut up about this place that served his favorite Turkish coffee in Budapest.”

“But you were in Bucharest.”

“Exactly. We were held up in Romania for about a week with little to no resources and a spotty radio connected to a SHIELD contact who only spoke Romanian and Hungarian.”

“I didn’t know you knew either.”

Natasha smiled as she recalled what sounded to be like the Romanian week from hell. “We didn’t.”

“So no aliens?”

Natasha shook her head. “You can see how the comparison was faulty.”

Their conversation seemed to have drifted off, but Tony couldn't help but think about what Natasha had said earlier.

“I don’t think any of this was meant to be simple. The Avengers. The choices we have to make.”

“Would you do it over?” It was a dangerous question.

“Not everything. But some things, yes—oh god yes. I constantly think about all the decisions I’ve made. It’s like I close my eyes and every single mistake and consequence is blown up right in front of me.”

“That’d drive a person insane.”

“I’m sure it would.” It nearly did.

“I wouldn’t go back. It terrifies me to think what I would’ve done if Clint hadn’t brought me in.”

“I’m glad he made the right call.”

Natasha rested her head against his shoulder.

Tony considered their complicated friendship. A former Soviet spy and a former weapons contractor. He thought about how their redemption stories overlapped through some far-fetched idea that heroes could be a part of something bigger—and how it nearly worked.

“Can I get you a drink?” The words flowed naturally out of his mouth. He paused, doing a mental assessment of the kitchen. “There’s some juice and coffee. And well, water.”

“Need to do some grocery shopping?”

“FRIDAY’s on it. Right?”

“Delivery is set for tomorrow afternoon, boss.”

“Shame you didn’t wait a day.”

“I’ll have some juice, then.”

Tony led Natasha down the stairs and back to the kitchen. He wasn’t really sure why he was leading her, afterall she had lived at the compound longer than he ever had pre-Accords.

“Mind if we move to the living room?” Natasha asked, sipping from her cup.

Tony yawned. “Yeah, sure.”

“Can I turn on the TV? I haven’t been able to catch any news today.”

“Be my guest."

Natasha sat cross legged on the couch next to him. Other than the dim starlight streaming from the windows, the TV was the only light source on the floor. The sound was set low, quiet enough to hear the birds chirping from outside. The sun would rise in a few hours.

“It’s odd, being back here,” she said after a while.

“If you're interested in staying, I’ve been without an assistant for the better part of a year.”

“Natalie would be flattered, but she has to sneak out of the country in the morning.”

“Ah now I remember why I fired her. Very unprofessional.”

Natasha groaned. “Don’t even get me started.”

“She was a great assistant. She made for a better spy, though.”

“That assignment went terribly, by the way.”

“Really? Was it because of the house party or blowing up half of the expo?”

“Both are good reasons. But no. Wasn’t it obvious SHIELD sent me in to get intel on Iron Man by seducing you?”

“Well yes, after the fact. I think it’s safe to say I was...otherwise preoccupied.”

“The first day I was there and I saw the way you looked at Pepper, I told Coulson it wouldn’t work. I even went to Fury, but he essentially told me to suck it up and continue the mission—which ended with far more explosions than planned.”

Tony thought back to that catastrophe. Of a man set on vengeance. Of almost dying, again.

Of Pepper—and how they kissed on the roof shortly after evading death. With Hammer tech exploding loudly in the distance. How her acceptance meant everything to him—and still does.

“Tony?”

He blinked.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up any—.”

“It’s fine.”

They exchanged a few more words before Tony felt his eyes drift shut. He could hear Natasha's voice over the sounds coming from the TV. If she was expecting a response, it was too late. He was already asleep.

Later, Tony shifted against the couch.

“Morning, boss.”

“What?” Tony blinked. “What time is it?”

“9:43am."

Tony sat up and looked around the living room. There was a blanket draped over him.

“Agent Romanoff left the compound shortly after you fell asleep. She visited the armory before departing and took multiple enhanced arrows and ammunition. She also took your copy of _The Martian_ that was on the coffee table _._ ”

“I can’t say I’m surprised.”

It had been almost comforting to have Natasha visit the compound, albeit under their current circumstances. Her visit was bittersweet considering it was back to the status quo in the morning. She had taken a real risk coming back to the States, but he couldn't deny the relief she brought with confirmation that the team would be safe in Wakanda.

Tony pushed the blanket off to the side and stood up.

It was a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't already obvious, I've struggled with how to close out this fic. Also real life got in the way. I've decided Chapter 9 will be a little closing epilogue. I'm still writing it so I'm not entirely sure when I'll have it up, but it'll definitely be posted before the end of the year. (that's crazy to say, right?! it's almost 2017!)
> 
> Also--to my fellow Americans, don't forget to vote Tuesday if you haven't already! :)


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